Can't stop laughing

I keep going back to that asshat's anti-abortion post based on THE ONION just to read all the comments. I've laughed so hard I've got tears rolling down my face. In the interest of sharing (serious love bolded):

Wow, this is just the belly-laugh I needed to end a fabulous weekend. While it is frightening that people can actually survive into adulthood with this severe a case of tunnel-vision and general jackassery, it least sometimes it provides a good guffaw.

Cheerio!
cellar door | 07.09.06 - 11:10 pm | #

I always suspected rabid pro-lifers were idiots. Now here's proof.

Fume all you want, abortion is still legal and most likely always will be, at least in your lifetime.
someone with more than one bra | 07.09.06 - 11:20 pm | #

Gosh, I'm sorry you got confused. It must be kind of embarrassing. I thought maybe you were doing a Colbert-style parody, but... uh, the other stuff in your blog suggests to me that that is not the case.
June | 07.10.06 - 12:09 am | #

Pwned.
SZ | 07.10.06 - 12:29 am | #

Excellent. I think you should devote all of your energies to tracking down Miss Weber and changing her mind about abortion. After all, if you can change her mind, you can change anybody's.

And don't listen to all these commenters telling you that the Onion is satire. They don't know what they're talking about. You'll show them.
caia | 07.10.06 - 1:37 am | #

Hee! Thanks for the giggle. Great satire, A+.



...wait, you were serious? I... hot damn!
Sarah | 07.10.06 - 4:39 am | #

it's good to see that for every complete jackass out there who thinks he can run our country there are a hundred people ready to laugh their asses off at him. and pete.. you are a jackass.

now if we were just more vocal everywhere. somehow these guys get away with labeling liberals as hippies and conspiracy theorists (and as people who would actually write this complete joke article), when day after day this corrupt administration proves us more right. don't let them fit our country into their tunnel vision. call them out.

((OH P.S... did anyone think that maybe pete knew this article to be a joke, but used it to pursuade other like-minded tunnel-visionists to sway in his direction?? i wouldn't put it past him.))
el nado | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 4:53 am | #

Ladies and Gentlemen... we now have a new tide mark for the shallow end of the gene pool.
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 5:04 am | #

Hey, cretin, as everyone else has already told you, The Onion is a satire magazine.

The Onion article did make a good point, though. If contraception was covered by HMOs, there would be fewer pregnancies. Plus, because of you anti-choice people, pharmacists are refusing to fill perfectly legal birth control prescriptions. You anti-choice people brought on the abortions yourselves. Plus, it's clear you anti-choice people don't like sex unless its only in marriage. Talk about stupid and misguided.
The Countess | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 7:24 am | #

Oh my god, you are SUCH a MORON! )
IUnderstandSatire | 07.10.06 - 10:53 am | #

I havent laughed so much in ages. I feel lucky to have seen this, if I made a gaffe like this I'd have destroyed all evidence ASAP. But then again I took "Recognising Humour 101" and "Basic Identification of Jokes" so I knew what I was getting into.
Ben | 07.10.06 - 11:13 am | #

Oh my god, this is almost as good as the lady who complained about an article praising JK Rowling as supporting a Satanist, quoting an Onion article as her source.
Char | 07.10.06 - 11:26 am | #

Honkknob! You're an idiot.
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 11:54 am | #

Hey fuckwad. Do you realize that the entire internet community is laughing at you now? Thanks for making my day.
Friedbrownball | 07.10.06 - 12:54 pm | #

Oh, but I do respect that you laid out exactly what pro-lifers really hate - promiscuous women. That is what it is all about - punishing women for having sex. If men were the ones getting pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
Friedbrownball | 07.10.06 - 1:03 pm | #

This is the best thing I have read in a long time. With people like you fighting to criminalize abortion, no one has anything to worry about.
Kellly | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 1:15 pm | #

If your goal was to suck all the credibility out of your "movement," you've succeeded. Congratulations, you've made all pro-lifers look like a bunch of people who can't CHECK THEIR SOURCES.
dimsum | 07.10.06 - 3:09 pm | #

Dude, seriously, you need to get news from a more reputable source. Try http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/
DeStoopidizer | 07.10.06 - 3:22 pm | #

And when Bat Boy performed the abortion, he found Osama bin Laden hiding just beyond the under-developed fetus (dialysis machine and all.)
Themuleskinner | 07.10.06 - 4:10 pm | #

AWESOME. It's only Monday, and you just made my week!
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 4:27 pm | #

Okay, I'll bite. Even if this were real, your argument about "sorry ma'am" but you shouldn't have had sex outside of marraige... makes no sense. How do you know if people are married or not? Married women get abortions. Seven-year olds that were raped can get abortions. The world isn't as simple as you think.
ELaine | 07.10.06 - 4:31 pm | #

I think you meant "Blogging without conscience."
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 4:35 pm | #

Holy fuck. Just... holy fuck. I thought the stupidometer didn't register this low, but apparently I was wrong.

Genius, "The Onion" is satire. You know, stuff made up to poke fun and make a point?

Dig out your blogging license; you're suspended until you grow some brain.
Jacky Tar | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 4:42 pm | #

You are a fucking idiot. THE ONIION IS A SATIRICAL PUBLICATION. Jesus fucking CHRIST!!! *bangs head against wall*
WTF.... | 07.10.06 - 8:28 pm | #

Why did you abort your brain?
Azuma | 07.10.06 - 8:31 pm | #

You tell 'em Pete!

Don't listen to these liberal pinko shmucks telling you that this is some sort of 'satire'. You've done a thorough and impressive job of debunking this Miss Weber bitch and those communist babykilling faggots know they don't have one single idea or argument that can stand up to your rigorous intellectual scrutiny. Their only hope now is to whine 'But we were only joking' like the crybabies they are and try to make you look like some sort of dumbass. Pay no attention! Real Americans can spot the truth a mile away, you mark my words.

These unChristian fucks pulled the same shit on us when we used an Onion article to expose Harry Potter for the Satanist cult it was. One minute we had a grassroots campaign bandwagon going, the next minute this 'satire' tag gets laid on it, and every punk-ass motherfucker on the internet starts laughing at us. It took us MONTHS to live that shit down.

Well I say enough! To hell with this liberal satire bullcrap. I'm armed, I'm a christian and I'm not afraid to defend my way of life with extreme prejudice! The next time one of you babykilling terrorist faggots wants to debase MY goddamn country and MY goddamn religion with this so-called "satire" shit, I'm going to grab the first motherfucking liberal abortionist I come across and ram my bible and a copy of the Bill of Rights up the bastard's ass. See how you'd like THAT, you satirical internet motherfuckers!
Ezekiel | 07.10.06 - 8:32 pm | #

This is awesome. Best thing I've seen all day.
The Disgruntled Chemist | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 8:40 pm | #

All those people are saying 'The Onion is satire' to throw you off the trail, Pete. Don't believe them. The Onion is a respected online journal - as it says in their masthead, "America's finest news source."

Keep up the good work, my friend.
decrepitoldfool | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 8:48 pm | #

Your new mantra:

Eye yam sofa king, we todd did.

Practice saying it out loud.
Chris | 07.10.06 - 8:49 pm | #

Wow, that second grade education is really paying off. Amazing.
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 8:50 pm | #

In the blogosphere, no one can hear you check your sources, and then decide to take down the article. Well, maybe leave it up and pretend you didn't see the comments, and hope it all ends soon.

I bet this is not how you wanted your 15msecs of fame. Well, congratulation: you got it whether you like it or not.

For the record, I don't think you are necessarily stupid. I do think you might be a little too credulous, however. You might want to put together some arguments based on facts -- you ain't gonna convince many people if you keep shooting from the hip like this.

Maybe a review of "Modes of Reasoning"?

Better luck next time!
Fnord | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 8:50 pm | #

Pete,

This is utterly hysterical, your falling for an obvious satire/parody from a publication that's devoted to nothing other than parody. Your piece is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.
Orac | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 8:57 pm | #

Next, you can pray for a brain. I'm sure it will be just as effective.
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 9:04 pm | #

Don't listen to these naysayers. They are trying to throw you off the scent. The godless ones have let too much of themselves show and you called them on it. Kudos to you.


-kyle
kyle | 07.10.06 - 9:15 pm | #

Holy crap.

Although I suppose if you can believe a carpenter walked out of a cave after three days of somatic death, there's nothing to prevent you from believing that someone would be so excited about her abortion that she'd throw a party.

I suppose you thought Jonathan Swift was serious, too.
The Teflon Don | 07.10.06 - 9:23 pm | #

lmao.
Observer | 07.10.06 - 9:30 pm | #

...I...I...I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 9:43 pm | #

The Countess at 7:24 nailed it -- heh heh heh heh he typed "nailed" heh heh heh -- but maroons like you will be jokes as long as your obvious misogyny, in this form an anti-contraception angle and the blatant "SLUTS! Keep your legs shut until we MEN decide when you can have sex" attitude drives your *cough* beliefs *cough*
Henry Holland | 07.10.06 - 9:45 pm | #

My God, that was the best laugh I have had in weeks.

Thanks for putting your lack of wisdom on display for all to share
John | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 9:46 pm | #

oh dear sweet raptor jesus. i would say you've made me lose all faith in humanity, but the 70+ comments of "you're a fucking moron" slightly redeems it. Keep up the good work! Maybe you should start citing General J.C. Christian or Fafblog! Or Jon Swift! They're really reputable sources.
Anonymous | 07.10.06 - 10:11 pm | #

No way, man. The Onion is a hard-hitting investigative news site. Look, they've already found the author of this blog.
JB | 07.10.06 - 10:13 pm | #

Wow, you Republican yokels are really astonishingly stupid, aren't you?
Rob S | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 10:15 pm | #

Dear sir,

While I am uncertain that you have a central nervous system of sufficient complexity to register high-level emotions such as embarrassment or shame, I still must implore you: please, please, please... no matter how many people on this comment thread cast doubt on your mental capacities or call you "asshat" it is imperitive that you never delete this entry. You have accidentally written the funniest thing in history.

Johnathan Swift and Voltaire working together for a hundred years could not surpass you.

This must be preserved for posterity.
Tom Traubert | Homepage | 07.10.06 - 10:15 pm | #

Holy shit... I can't stop laughing... at you.

But really, the Onion has a good point in showing us that this is really how some radical pro-life activists really see pro-choice people. I'm triyng to be nice here... but wow, you are a fucking idiot. How long has The Onion been doing satire?... since 1988. Wow, you're eagerness to condem this woman has completely blinded you from... all reason. Here's a tip, next time you have something to write... don't.

But seriously... that was a great laugh.
NowhereMan | 07.10.06 - 10:19 pm | #