Sunday, March 30, 2008

Queen of Last Minute

My syllabus was annoying the shit out of me. I have eight weeks. I cannot possibly stretch out ONE novel, plus some poems and short stories across EIGHT WEEKS. I looked at an old syllabus I managed to find in what the teacher gave me and hell...those kids were reading 20-30 pages a night.
SCREW MY ORIGINAL SYLLABUS. Eight weeks is four weeks too long to drag out a novel. I radically condensed my syllabus for Song of Solomon. I'll be done, I hope, by April 28th. This means I now have to pick out another novel. I have no idea what else, besides Gatsby, they've read this year. I'll have to find that out tomorrow.
I'm already thinking of throwing in Bless Me, Ultima as my other novel (plus, I'm very familiar with it). I highly doubt they've read that, and it would be good to throw in a Latino novel to complement the AA novel we'll just have completed.
The kids are gonna haaaate me...ha ha ha ha ha.

Friday, March 28, 2008


Goddamnit! I lost my main debit card. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

I've called and cancelled it, and no charges have been made to my account. What a pain in the ass! Now I've got to go to the bank tomorrow morning and get a new card ordered, and get an ATM card in the meantime. FUCK!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I donated again to Barack - $15. I think that makes $60 so far. I have NEVER donated that much before. I think I might have donated like $20 to Kerry in 2004.

Ya'll know that if you donate to Obama by 31 March, you're automatically entered to be win a drawing for a dinner-for-five with Barack? Two spots are reserved for people who had donated prior to this drawing. So, if you're a new donor, there are three chances (out of a gagillion, I know). Go and DONATE FOOLS!

Seriously? If I somehow get picked for that, I'd totally freaking SQUEAL. I would probably make an embarassment of myself. But oh my god, so COOL. Just the idea of it makes me squeal. I'm going to be horribly jealous of who does go.

SOOOOO sick of Hillary and her trying to keep the whole damn Wright thing in the public eye. It's OVER, woman. Did you not hear Obama's brilliant fucking speech on it? Jesus. Focus on your own damn issues: gee, how about "sniper fire in Bosnia" or being in the house while Billy was with Monica? Yeah, don't like that so much do you? Then stick to the fucking issues! Whatever, you should just QUIT already.

Other news: Manpower is totally random about when they pay people. Jaysus, it's annoying. I just happened to check my bank account and was like "hey! money!" They paid me...two days prior to what I was expecting. Not that I "mind", but I just don't want the reverse to happen...getting paid two days LATE.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Name Game

You know, if I were to magically (well, maybe not so "magical") become pregnant with a male-zygote, I think I'd be naming that kid Barack.
Cuz Barack is a rocking name. Watch it, I bet you that name is going to appear on popular names lists in years to come.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter Sunday

I am stuffed.
Oooh, look. Something on the Princes of England is on BBC America. Dude, both William and Harry are not. I can't believe how deep William's voice is. Scha-wing.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Oh my god (pun...intended?)

I have the most delicious book. "god is not great: how religion poisons everything" by Christopher Hitchens. I have been laughing hysterically at points. Of course, that could also be the very excellent wine I have been drinking. I seem to have consumed more than half a bottle of wine on my own whilst reading.


Meanwhile, my mother is at my (38 y.o.) brother's confirmation. Hurrah, another one joins the sheepish fold. "Are you going to your brother's confirmation?" she asks me as I step out of the shower. I look at her, clutching my towel to my 38C bosom, and laugh. "And how much of a mockery would THAT be?"

"Well, he is your brother, regardless of your beliefs!"

"Tell him 'congratulations'!"

Bwha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Oh, Christopher Hutchins, I think I love you. He has managed to encapsulate what I feel on so many levels, but have been unable to express.

To wit:

"I would be quite content to go tot heir children's bar mitzvahs, to marvel at their Gothic cathedrals, to 'respect' their belief that the Koran was dictated, though exclusively in Arabic, to an illiterate merchant, or to interest myself in Wicca and Hindu and Jain consolations. And as it happens, I will continue to do this without insisting on the polite reciprocal condition - which is that they in turn leave me alone. But this, religion is ultimately incapable of doing. As I write these words, and as you read them, people of faith are in their different ways planning your and my destruction, and the destruction of all the hard won human attainments that I have touched upon [the "rapture" anyone? -DB]. Religion poisons everything." (p13)

"The brilliant Schiller was wrong in his 'Joan of Arc' when he said that 'against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.' It is actually by means of the gods that we make our stupidity and gullibility into something ineffable." (p77)

Edit: Okay, maybe I don't love-love CH. I read his wiki-bio and he has some regretable rightist-tendancies (supporting the war in Iraq? WTF?). How, I don't know, as he is an atheist!

Friday, March 21, 2008


I went to yoga again yesterday - twice in a week is really better than once! Although, my god, I cannot believe how much weaker my left ankle is. Trying to stand in tree pose on that side was laughable.
I think the flexibility is improving with the regular practice. I'd gotten stiff during the course of student teaching and completely abandoning yoga. I can sit in lotus position for longer periods now; the next part will be to hike my feet up closer towards the junction with my hips. Maybe I was just more mentally there yesterday. I was holding high lunge well for a change, and able to bend back further during it. What Wendy was saying finally clicked: really engage the leg that's back. Keep it straight and press the pinky-toe side down.
I was also getting a halfway decent start into doing the forearm balance. It was up against the wall - not comfortable doing it away from a prop yet!
Also spent a chunk of time cleaning up my room as I promised to myself yesterday. It feels so much better in there. My desk was just cluttered as hell; once that was cleaned up, it really helped. I put a bunch of student-teaching items into a box. Once I move out, I'll need to get a decent file cabinet and sort stuff away into that from my teaching. Organized my magazines into those shelf containers. (I should really read my Journals of Adolescent and Adult Literacy...oy.) I also have two sacks of clothing/bedding/stuff to take to Goodwill or SA. I might do that today...or not. It's fucking snowing now.
Stupid storm hit later. I thought it was supposed to have hit, or at least started, overnight. I woke up to see nothing on the ground and was all excited thinking the forecasters had completely screwed up. Nope. It's hitting NOW. Joy. I have my big freaking cowl-neck wooly sweater on today - THE FIRST FULL DAY OF SPRING.
Tonight or tomorrow, I think I will make lemon curd. I have all the stuff for it. Oh, Tyler Florence, your evil lemon curd is so delicious. Like sunshine in my mouth. Seriously. If sunshine had a taste, it would be this lemon curd. You can't help but be cheery eating that shit. The recipe for Lemon Curd Trifle with Fresh Berries is available at the Food Network site (,,FOOD_9936_22159,00.html ). In the recipe, the curd gets whipped cream folded into it. If you can't find a decent poundcake to put in the trifle, you could probably do a hack job with lady fingers or savioardi biscuits. The s-biscuits would probably disintegrate really quickly, though, so you'd want to eat that thing tout de suite. Lemon curd is great to put on scones.
Harumph. On to "work", I suppose. I may leave early if it gets as ugly out as they say.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Not surprised, But Disney mostly sucks anyway

Find Out Which Disney Girl You Are!
created with
You scored as Mulan

A free spirit, a beautiful soul, all things that most people would tag on a lovely girly girl - but you're more boy than anything! Sometimes you're considered a 'nerd' or 'dork', but that just comes with the package - you even embrace your inner nerd. Go you!



















Snow White


Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)









So, I emailed Rahm Emanuel, a rep for Illinois. Basically, he still won't come out and openly endorse either Obama or Clinton at this point.

When I tried sending Emanuel an email from his webpage, I had to fudge it and say I was from within his district (Northeastern IL University's address works well!). The gist of what I wrote was that he needed to get OFF the fence and endorse Obama because:
-Obama hands down won Illinois (Emanuel should follow the will of the Illinois people)
-this increasingly long battle is only helping the Rethugs
-I detest the idea of HRC trying to steal the election via superdelegates
-I detest HRC's cynical politics and power-grubbing as usual for her own gain. I would much rather have a hopeful Barack Obama.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Brit Boys Again

Let it be known that Richard Armitage is smokin hot in North & South.


If I didn't like him already, I'd have done so with this speech.
And us dems are the "America haters"? Whatever, your righty nutjobs. WHATever.
God oh god, please get this mine as our President. I'm not saying he's perfect, no one is, but this man just keeps hitting them outta the park.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Doing the Rounds at Wiki

Today, I decided to look up "Orkney Islands" on Wikipedia.
Now I wanna go! I've been wanting to go to the tippy-top of Great Britain for a while. Generally speaking, however, that is not something I could just cram in on the infrequent trips I have taken. Not when I'm trying to hit every place I possibly can down south around London.
But wow...Orkney and Shetlands would be SO neat to go see for an extended visit. During the summer. Obviously. I wouldn't want to be carting around in the 18 hour dark of a far Northern winter!
Oh: and a recent comic, Vertigo's "Northlanders", takes place in the Orkney Islands. VERY COOL. As well as the character, Sven, being fuck-all hot.

My Comment Sent to Hillary on Her Webpage

Dear HRC:
You should disavow and completely cut relations with Geraldine Ferraro. The comments that woman has made in regards to race are not only outdated, but DISGUSTING and ABHORRENT. You want unfair categorization? How about "the only reason you are where you are right now is because you're 1) a woman and 2) have the last name Clinton"? Doesn't sound nice, does it?
In the unfortunate event you do win the nomination, rest assured: you won't have this white-female Dem's vote. At. All. Oh that's right: I come from a "boutique" state anyway. My vote doesn't matter to you. Guess you don't need it.
And while we're at it, you can't even play by the rules you AGREED to in MI and FL. Now that you're desperate for votes and know there's no mathematical way you can pull off a victory without them, it suits you to have those delegates seated. Those states broke the rules willfully. What kind of precedent does it set if they are allowed to have a do-over or seat their delegates as-is? Complete lack of law and order in any future primaries, that's what.
But that doesn't matter to you, as long as you win now. Way to destroy the party.
Thanks for setting us women back from obtaining the White House for at least another 40 years with your political hackery. This is about doing what's best for the country, NOT what's best for YOU.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Miscellaneous, & "Dear Family: Piss Off, I Quit"

Lest I be accused of "looking the other way", Spitzer is a dork. You know, there are just certain things you probably shouldn't do as a person holding public office. Getting involved in a prostitution ring would be one of them.
Oh, and Rethugs so quick to call for Spitzer's resig: what about all your dumbfucks who got caught doing similar things but didn't feel the need to resign (or worse, who tried to cover it up completely)? See Sen. David Vitter as an example.
Ultimately: pots and kettles are both black, comprendez vous?
I'm still pretty wiped out from yesterday afternoon's idiocy. After I finished making the soup (just before 7pm), I retreated upstairs and just went to bed. I was done fighting Catholic bullshit for the day. My mom came in at one point to ask me something (I vaguely heard her), but then left when she saw the whole "lights out". I hope she feels fucking guilty. She goddamn well should.
I know the lie of the land with my family. I get it. As the black, non-Catholic wolf in the fold of compliant purple-Kool-aid drinking sheep that is my family, I do not belong. They will never understand my views, or how my life experiences lead me to reject Catholicism. There is no hope of rational discussion. Religion sort of precludes rational thought.
The reason stuff like yesterday gets me so upset is because it's not just a rejection of things, it's a rejection of ME. So much for love being unconditional by your mother. My maternal biological unit is a Catholic first, mother to me second. Somehow, because I do yoga (or tarot cards), I am "wrong" or "deficient" as a human being. I am not to be trusted. Gee, thanks, assholes. And you wonder why I get so angry?  
Hey, I know it goes both ways. I know I don't trust my family because of their views. I think they're wrong. I think they're fucking stupid. But that's their choice. I know I am not going to change them. If my mom wants to blow $3,500 out of her meager-ass practically poverty-level $29,500 income for the year on supporting the church, fine.
Believe it or not, I do try to keep a low profile on all that stuff with my family and practice avoidance, because as yesterday shows, confrontation about it serves utterly no purpose. The only one who gets hurts is ME. The least courtesy my own flesh and blood could offer me is to quit trying to convert me or actively saying this shit to my face. I blog about it so I have a place to vent it, so I don't bring it up with them. AGAIN, because I know there is no point.
Sidebar: You would think I could write down some of this stuff in a letter to my family. NOPE. Been there and done that method before on different stuff. There's longstanding reasons why I keep my mouth shut in my family and why this idea of being considered "wrong" and "deficient" is so deep-rooted in me. It's amazing I even like to express myself in writing at all. I like the time it takes; the way you can edit and craft something before giving it out. I tried explaining my feelings in writing - in a non-confrontational way - to my mom once as a teen (13 yo). Hell, I did the whole "I" statement thing, because I was desperately trying to be non-accusatory. What did she do? Drag me in to a therapist without even discussing ANYTHING with me first. I felt like I was being punished. Like how I felt and what I did was wrong. I was so wrong that I had to be dragged somewhere, against my will. This is AFTER I included in the letter how bad I'd felt as a little kid when she did the EXACT same thing to me after my parents' divorce and that incident was one big reason why I typically did not like sharing my feelings or thoughts with her. I was dumped in a therapist's office with NO explanation. What do you think that does to a seven year old's psyche? And then my mom REPEATS the whole thing? OH, I was furious. I sat there in that office and refused to speak. I had my walkman with me and just kept it on.
It would have been one thing, especially as a teen, if my mom had bothered to talk to me first and we'd both come to a mutual decision to see someone. All I was asking for was some understanding and an explanation. I've always been that way: looking for an explanation. If you can give me that, I'm usually willing to negotiate. But nope, two formative experiences drove home the fact that I was somehow "wrong" and I couldn't trust or be accepted by my own family.
It's been that way: Dump me in a therapist's office, or hand me off to Dad because I'm "unmanageable".
Back to religion:
I went through this whole "you're deficient!" thing with two of my friends a few years ago, who actively tried to proselytize to me (both some evangelical crap). I had to put the smackdown on that and tell them in no uncertain terms that what they were doing was offensive to me. I don't try to shove my beliefs down your throat; what gives you the right to do so to me?
Maybe all these people in my life need to read about B.F. Skinner and behaviorist thought. Because all they are doing is giving me negative reinforcement: thoroughly and brutally shoving home the belief in me that religion is mental and emotional enslavement. It is something to be avoided and scorned. Religion is a tool used to bully others. Religion makes people think it's okay to criticize and put down others for being different. Religion is a crutch used by insecure people to prop themselves up and beat someone else down with. I am developing a deep and pathological hatred for Catholicism. It's fucking growing exponetially at this rate. Logically, I know religion can be good for some people. Emotionally, I want to run in a screaming panic from it given all my bad experience.
My right eyebrow/eyeball has been twitching all this morning. Stress. Great.
I guess I'm lucky I'm not gay, huh? I'd probably have been sent to a deprogramming camp or been cattle-prodded.
I just want to cry again.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Afternoon Doldrums

I have just enrolled for benefits through Manpower. Hoorah. They don't kick in until April 1st, but at least I will have health insurance should I need it. That's one thing down.
I am bored.
So so bored.
I can leave at 4pm today. Thank god. I will be flying home and perhaps making another pot of French onion soup. I can probably sit and jot down lesson plans while waiting for the onions to cook down. Maybe I will put the heat on just a little higher this time. I might have had it just a little too low last time.

Blame the Time Change

I am up and at 'em way too early for a Monday, or any day, really. I was fairly productive yesterday, but not in "important" things (i.e. lesson planning!). I could not, for the life of me, get to sleep last night. I slept very lightly.
I had also made it my plan to go to the gym early this morning. Because of THAT, I was up at around 4am when I really wanted to be up at 5am. I just lay there, curled on my side with my eyes closed for an hour and tried to relax, even if I couldn't actually "sleep".
I got to the gym and was working out by 5:40am. It opens at 5:30, and my word, there were a lot of people in there by those first ten minutes! I was on the elliptical for 40 minutes. I would have liked to be on the treadmill, but I don't think I could handle the necessary coordination that early in the morning.
Hauled off into the locker room and nearly gagged because some bitch had DOUSED herself (and by default, the entire locker room) in some Victoria's Secret perfume. GOOD LORD. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BATHE IN THE SHIT.
Got to work by 7:20am. And am now sitting here with a large coffee. Yow. I wonder when the crash is going to happen today? Because it has to - I completely didn't get enough sleep last night.
On the plus side: it should be easier to fall asleep tonight.
Crap. I was planning on calling Ronnie tonight, but he usually works until some insane hour for an office job. I need to call him and, uh, call it off quick-like. I like the guy as a human being (and that in itself is an accomplishment), I really do, but I just don't feel those romantic fuzzies for him. The whole time I was in his condo, all I could think about was, "I can't picture myself in here. I can't picture myself in here."
More than anything, I've felt relief knowing that I've made a decision about him. I know it's the right one for me. Beyond just him, I'm mildly impressed with how different my reaction is now, to one I would have had, say four years ago. Four years ago, I probably would have plowed ahead regardless because I would have wanted someone just to have someone.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

WOW...where is Social Darwinism when you need it?

For shits and giggles, I went over to Free Republic (idiot Republic blog) to see what they were saying about having lost the IL-14 District (first time since the Watergate era that a Dem has won it!).


I can't believe people this stupid actually know how to breathe.

OMG! The sky is falling! OMG! Obama and Hillary are evil gays/America haters/the soldiers will have died in vaaaain/babies are being aborted/the country is lost/we're going to be socialists/the economy/the country won't exist after the Dems are through!


What sexual orientation people are is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. What people do in the privacy (oh, right, we don't have that anymore thanks to the CHIMP Bush!) of their home is their own business.

Religion and politics do NOT mix - i.e., DON'T FORCE YOUR SO CALLED "Christianity" on people who do not want it. THERE IS FREEDOM OF RELIGION, be it Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Islamic, no religion at all, etc.

The only "America haters" are the GOoPers who have destroyed every freedom we have and have made the rest of the world hate us and ruined the good name America had, all for the sake of power-grubbing.

Soldiers have already died in vain, if you ask me. Bush started an ILLEGAL war based on FALSE PRETENSES in Iraq, where we had no business being. Afghanistan was justified, but not Iraq. And for you "Christian Conservatives", care to recall a Commandment about "not bearing false witness against your neighbor"? Or does it just not suit you now? For that matter, Bush and his minions have NOT accomplished ANY THING. We still do not have Bin Laden and we turned Iraq into a prime breeding ground for extremists AFTER WE INVADED.

I don't see you helping care for the babies that aren't wanted or have no hope. Where are the social programs to help counsel people? Sex education? Oh that's right: you want them for cannon fodder for McCain's next 100 years in Iraq.  What a woman does with her own body is her own damn business and is between her and her god. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT.

The country HAS BEEN LOST: with BUSH.

Whatever, I sincerely doubt we'll be "socialist". You asses. When was the last time we had a positive economy and a surplus? OH right, with Bill. Who spent all that money? BUSH. So many great leaders have been Democrats: Roosevelt, Kennedy, Clinton. Hell even Carter has done good shit in his civilian days, as has former Veep Gore. These same Dems had to pull the country out of the fire after a Rethug did their damnedest to fuck it up: Nixon? Reagan (Iran-Contra anyone? Sandinistas?) Bush the First and now Bush the Idiot.

You just don't see it, do you? You want it your way or the highway.

Whereas us Dems would rather see something more equal for all and make this country great, even if it means we have to listen to your idiotic bitching and moaning. Because that's what democracy is.

I wish your "rapture" would come and you'd all die and leave the earth to the rest of us people who would try and save it.

Read some zen: if there is no afterlife, then we have to live now. We have to make this life good. Everything is holy. You people expecting a reward in the hereafter give no thought to making life now as good as possible.

Friday, March 07, 2008


I'm sitting here, with an excel spreadsheet, trying to estimate my finances up to Q3. This is hell. This is why I am an English major, people.
I've got all my regular bills slotted in to the approximate week they'll be paid, along with my scheduled paychecks (approximated, esp since I don't know the exact dollar amount I'll get for teaching). I've also got target amounts to place into savings.
This of course doesn't have anything in there about "disposable" income (not that I have a heck of a lot of that). And probably the largest part of that disposable income is...filling up my gastank!
It looks like I should be better off than I feel. I don't get it!! BLEH!

Welcome to the Obvious, Asshole

Job cuts
The quickly devaluing dollar
Surging oil prices
Stagnant pay levels
Mortgage Crisis
Someone please bring back the days of tar and feathering...because a certain Chimp desperately needs to be feathered.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Mega-spoiler for Buffy Season 8 Comic

HOoooooleeee shit, this is going to throw fandom into FITS...
(spoiler - click at your own risk!)


How sad is it that the highlight of my workday yesterday was going to Panera for lunch and getting French Onion soup?
THAT is how boring my job currently is. Although FO soup is tres bien.
GOD. I hate my office job. I can not wait to get into teaching full time.
I've gone to bed by 10 or 10:30 (used to be midnight) the past two nights, yet I can barely drag my ass out of bed. I really need to correct my sleeping schedule soon. I'll be doing the split office/teaching gig soon and I can not be tired for that.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Lush has got balls

I was in the Woodfield Lush this past weekend, talking to an associate about any products that might be out.
She mentioned that the UK has one that is causing controversy and that probably won't make it over here to the US.
Why? Because it's a critique of what's going on in Guantanamo Bay and renditions. SEND IT ON OVER, I say. I commiserated with the shop associate about how we'd probably have to wait until we kick the bastards out of office in November to get this charity product.
I believe I did use the word "asshole" to describe The Chimp.


I love this Hint stuff:
I haven't been disappointed yet. I have had the lime, raspberry lime and also pear.
The pear was kind I don't know how to describe it other than that.