Saturday, June 30, 2007

Keep me

...it is a good thing I don't have a few hundred dollars to blow right now (or ever, really). I have tattoos on the brain like no one's business.

Besides the one I've been thinking of getting for a long time (the image from the Strength card in the Tarot of Prague deck), I also want something British-y and quite possibly, several other things.

People, I cannot look like a walking tattoo parlour. Someone talk some sense into me.

Speaking of the Brits: I am so very VERY glad no one has been killed or injured in the past couple days. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Jesus. I just don't get these fucked up Islamic freakshows. You know, if blowing yourself up to see the 72 so-called virgins (don't you think they're a little used by now? OR hell, wouldn't you rather have someone experienced? why not 72 hookers?) in your version of Valhalla or whatever-the-fuck is so GRAND, then why the hell aren't your little grand-Poobahs blowing themselves up or lighting themselves up like a Roman Candle?

The answer, you dumbasses, is because they brainwash you stupid idiots and because it means more goodies for them in the material world. Yes, I think us Western heathens have shat on you more than once or twice, but your "masters" aren't any better. THEY ARE JUST USING YOU.

So much for Bush and Co. making the world "safer". Four+ years of war with Iraq and we only have more people pissed as hell at us (and with reason in Iraq) and the people stupid enough to ally with Bush.

DEAD IS DEAD. YOU DON'T SEE ANY VIRGINS AFTERWARDS, AND YOU DON'T GET ANY SEX. EAT, DRINK, AND GET YOUR FUCKS IN NOW WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Woman Who Thinks All Religions are Equally STOOPID.

Friday, June 29, 2007

8 Random Facts

I got tagged by Lippy.
 
1. Each player must post these rules first. 2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

8 Random Facts About Me:
 
1. I double-majored in my undergraduate school by picking up English during my junior year (the other was Western European Civ).
 
2. I lived and worked in Dublin, Ireland (5 Bertram Court, Dublin 8) the summer after graduating college (1999) and it was the best time of my life. I lived in Dublin 8 BEFORE it got to be a hoity toity antiques district (back when it was still "urban renewal").
 
3. I am actually a third child. My mom had a daughter before me, but she had something wrong with her lungs and didn't live beyond a day or two. Her name was Andrea, interestingly enough, and she was born in September of 1971 (I think?). It would have been cool to have a sister.
 
4. I like reading tarot cards; I'm fairly accurate, especially after a glass of wine. No lie. (My newest deck is the Tarot of Prague.)
 
5. I have a tattoo of a bull on my right upper thigh; it's modeled after the bull logo on the Red Bull can.
 
6. My favorite precious "stone" (well, it's not really a stone, per se) is amber.
 
7. I like comics (in particular, Fables by Bill Willingham).
 
8. I enjoy crocheting (and am attempting to learn to knit).
 
Who to Tag: Kilroy, Aly, Sullivan, TWA...


London

All I can say is, thank god that thing didn't go off. I saw the Trocadero sign behind the crime scene in one photo. I know exactly where that is. I shopped there!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

It's Another Gonzo Blog Carnival! "Friends of Kilroy"


Forget the once-a-year pre-Lenten Carnvial season. We go year 'round here. It's another Gonzo Blog Carnival: "Friends of Kilroy". Or perhaps it might be Two Degrees of Separation? This time I am hosting! Want to see an overview of previous carnivals? Then go here.


The rules will be straight forward:
-----(-)-> Posts will be accepted from blogs that have link exchanges with The Gonzo Papers or that are linked directly to someone with a link exchange (SUCH AS ME!)
-----(-)-> One post per blog; however many blogs you have.
-----(-)-> Only English language posts will be accepted

CLARIFICATION: Entries accepted until 11:59pm 30 June 2007. Carnival will post on 2 July 2007. So get your posts in! I would love to see some entries from Lippy and Tickersoid, in particular!

Email your entries to queen_of_pentacles [AT] SBCGLOBAL [DOT] NET . Please have your subject line be CARNIVAL. Entries should include (1) your name as you'd like it to appear, (2) name of your blog, (3) the title of your post, (4) BRIEF description of your blog (no more than three lines please), and (5) last but not least, the URL to link to your post.

Randomosity and Purple Exploding Balls

1) Dosages "it's not important". Oh, this is a good one. Tickers, this has got to be right up there with your customer service hoohah. I work at a big Fortune 500 (ooh, I looked and it's actually in the top 100). You know what that means: lots of overhead and the little people are expected to do the work of three people so the company can layoff and "preserve the bottom line".

People, there are some goddamn IJITS where I work. I work with documents all day long. I format various reports so that they're all nice and pretty when they have to go to other "Very Important Places". Because I'm so fucking cool, I also wind up catching contextual and factual errors. There are two sides to what I will call Report A. You have to have both. Our stats people sent through some corrections they wanted implemented. Noooo problem. I got Report A, Part I done. I look at Part II and fucking CRINGE. It seems no matter WHAT I do, me and Part IIs do not get along. To be absolutely correct, it's more that the people who write the Part IIs are book-smart but just common-sense stupid. This Part II, in particular, is run by this one person I am constantly at loggerheads with. Complicating the mix: Part II people and Stats people never talk to each other. *rolls eyes* Because that would make too much sense. I mean, you have to have Stats stuff or the shit don't fly, but it's like the IIs think they can do whatever the hell they want (and they really can't).

I handed off this report to my more experienced co-worker and even she cringed. She brings up the stat correction to the meanie II. Who has a fit, practically, and says "it's not important" and don't put it in. *eyes boggle* WHAT? The thing that needs to be corrected is a dosage.

DOSAGE. Gee, you don't think that a wrong dosage in a report would trip some very big red flags with important agencies? Let's think about this: say you're a guy with a limp dick. You take some Viagra. Granted, I don't know what dosage Viagra is (nor do I care). Let's pretend that the proper dosage is 100 mg. But V's company has a moron who thinks a dosage is unimportant, and therefore it goes to market with a 200 mg dosage. And now thousands of men everywhere have erections lasting 12 hours, their balls turn purple and explode, leaving eunuchs everywhere.

Actually, that sounds fun to me. There are a number of men I'd like to see that happen to. But, I digress.

My point being: SAFETY and....LAWSUIT, much? Ideally, of course, agencies like the FDA wouldn't even let the product go to market because they would catch this in a review. I should also point out that in my current example, we're still very much in the theoretical stages of business and absolutely nowhere even near market (and probably won't be - only one item out of practically hundreds ever makes it to market). But STILL. I'm horrified, as is everyone else in my immediate department. Shit, we're trying to HELP and make sure documents are the best and most accurate they can be. You'd think that would earn a little thanks. But no, people like this IIer are absolutely fucking lazy and moronic. If I were running the show, I'd have their ass canned. It has happened before: falsifying a report has gotten people escorted out of the premises. We're hoping to talk to the next person above in charge of this report. We're confident that this person WILL care very much and make the change go through.

Cause god knows if someone (agency-wise) comes knockin', we're sure as hell not going to cover this idiot's ass.

And did I mention that this idiot also does not wash their hands after going to the bathroom? And we work in health care. Seriously.

2) Can't wait for Lippy to get what I sent.

3) So...tired. Need...vacation.

4) SUBMIT TO MY CARNIVAL IF I'VE LINKED TO YOU. NOW. Kthxbye.

5) My friend was interviewed on Chicago NPR (national public radio) recently in regards to these students that she's tutoring. I mentioned the situation in a recent post about racism (I believe it was titled something like Religion for the Massa'). She is tres cool. Click on the link
and look for "Chicago Matters". She just emailed me (and some others) about maybe knitting/crocheting hats and scarves for these fifteen kids for winter. I'm going to try and make at least one set.

P.S. I love Mad Stephen. Braveheart is on right now. Ever since Mel Gibson showed what a crazy fundy wacko drinker he really is, I've been down on his movies. I used to love this movie, despite its historical inaccuracies. I'm sneering at Mel, but god, I still love me some Mad Irish Stephen. That dude is fucking HYSTERICAL. "He wasn't right in the head!" "The Lord says he can get ME out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're fucked!" A HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

TOTALLY! GIRL POWER!

Spice up your life, bitches! Spice Girls are back.
 
ROFL

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

HOLY SHIT

Oh my god, it's a fucking DELUGE outside. Steve
Carrell, where are you and your Morgan Freeman/God
inspired ark?

I mean, yes, glad that it's raining; we desperately
need it, but shiiiiiiit.

I just got to school in Chicago, parked in the garage
and all hell broke loose. I escorted a pretty man to
the library under my umbrella. We both got soaked on a
side and back. I have flip flops on, so I was
practically falling out of them in the running water.

After I got the guy to the library, I pulled off my
flippies and ran to the fine arts building. I am
positively soaked, my umbrella didn't count for much.
I was yelping and screaming as I ran to the building.

Shit, for that matter, I was yipping and going OH MY
GOD while I was escorting the guy. This big ass
lightning bolt hit not too far away and CRAAAAASH!

*screams some more*

AAAAAARRRRRGHHH!!!!

Edit: Jesus Christ. Campus just flooded. Two computer labs down and water was positively streaming down the stairs in the financial aid office. Lovely. Campus was closed about 4:30pm. Which sucked, becaaaaause...traffic trying to leave was ricockulously bad. IT TOOK ME A FUCKING HOUR TO GO A MILE AWAY FROM CAMPUS. OH MY GOD. I HATED IT. It took me TWO HOURS to get home. *weeps*

Sunday, June 24, 2007

What's Shaking

It's time for comfort-video-ing. I've got Jane
Austen's "Persuasion" in the dvd player. I love it. I
was introduced to this production (starring Ciaran
Hinds as Cpt Wentworth) during last semester's Jane
Austen class. Pair this off with Emma Thompson's
"Sense and Sensibility"? Perfect.

Drinking some Pomme Lambic of Lindemann's. Yesss.

I went the Lucky 7 Tattoo Studio in Libertyville on
Friday after work to make some preliminary inquiries
about getting a new tattoo. I've had a bull tattoo
(silhouette of the RedBull Bull) on my right upper
thigh for I don't know how long now. Sometime just
after college (2000 or thereabouts). I've been wanting
to get a new one, but hadn't come up with something
really meaningful that I wanted, until seeing the
Strength card of the Tarot of Prague deck. Check it
out: you can see it on the <a
href=http://www.tarotofprague.com/home.htm>front
page</a> of the website for the tarot deck. It would
just be the woman and the lion.

The woman, Sandy, said it would probably take about
1-1 1/2 hours to do. Looking like a $300 tattoo. The
time and the money didn't shock me, but when she told
me how large I'd need to get it to really get good
detail: 8 inches, or better yet 10, I was like
"oooooof". I like keeping my tattoo(s) under wraps. An
eight inch tattoo...that's a committment. She
recommended my upper thigh, which is fine.

Gotta think about it some more.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I like maple syrup

More (possibly) to be posted later.
 
But wouldn't you all agree that maple syrup has a lovely color (in addition to being sweet and sticky)?
 
*runs off to turn on the cold shower in the back of brain*


EDIT: So, what is this maple syrup diversion you ask? I was trying to think of what would accurately describe the shade of Mr. Lassi's skin. After obsessing for far too long about it, it suddenly hit me: maple syrup. A nice dark maple syrup - not super dark, but dark. Ambery.

Sorta like this:

And a happy birthday...

to the hottest royal out there: Prince William.
 
(Shut the fuck up, yes, I think he's hot!)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Sophomoric

Main Entry: soph·o·mor·ic
Pronunciation: "säf-'mor-ik, -'mär- also "sof- or "sä-f&- or "so-f&-
Function: adjective
1 : conceited and overconfident of knowledge but poorly informed and immature <a sophomoric argument>
2 : of, relating to, or characteristic of a sophomore <sophomoric humor>
 
Main Entry: 1soph·o·more
Pronunciation: 'säf-"mor also 'sof- or 'sä-f&- or 'so-f&-
Function: noun
Etymology: perhaps from Greek sophos wise + mOros foolish
: a student in the second year at college or a 4-year secondary school
 
Cards that should have been rethought (for people who think of all the wrong things, like myself):
 
The other day, whilst perusing Father's Day cards, I saw this one with a drawing on front of a girl leaning, chin in hands, on a table. The inside said, "To my dad, the only man to never give me a headache."
 
I snorted and immediately thought, "Bullshit. MY dad has given me plenty of headaches! What a stupid card." As the card rattled back into its slot, another thought hit me: headaches. Men. Women. When do women tell men, "Not now, I have a headache!" OhdearchristonacrackerYUCK!!! The card went from just being stupid to deeply ooky in about 2 seconds. I stood back from the card rack and looked on horrified before walking away.
 
 
Is it a cow? Or a hermaphrodite?
 
People, know how to classify your animals. Remember the "Barnyard" animated movie (hopefully not, it'll mean you weren't exposed to its outrageous inaccuracies), or even its trailers? A bunch of boy STEERS. Because cows are females, NOT males. If you ever saw the trailer, you'll have perhaps noticed that all the boys HAD UDDERS. WROOooOONG! And worse? The cows running away from some trouble they'd caused, with one of them yelling "Oh, Milk Me!"
 
Yeah, honey, that isn't an udder and that isn't milk.
 
Deux: Formatting a report at work and I caught something on the organ weight tabulations. It was for females, but there were columns AND data for prostrate and testes. Hmmmmm....
 
I went to the study director and was like "Um, follow me, here. [pointed to word female on page, then slowly drew finger to the word 'prostrate'] Did evolution just get seriously weird?" He replies, "Or our drug is REALLY toxic..." Good humor.
 
Yeah, I'd pronounce it that way, too, if my last name were...
 
ASSMANN. This is really a last name of some scientist writing documents in learned medical journals. It made me snark. My (former) boss said "It's actually pronounced 'Ozman'."
 
Whatever. That's ASSMANN, and you and I know it. Funnier, because it was a woman.
 
Another great last name: Boobis.
 
P.S.
 
My squash are growing monstrously. Tomatoes are peeping out.

Friday, June 15, 2007

At work alone

I'm alone at work today (except for my boss). Everyone else is either ill, has a child ill, or is just slagging off.
 
I suppose I could fart to my heart's content in here until my boss comes back...

Cereal and Religion for "Mass'a"

Totally unrelated topics. Just things that have randomly set me off.
 
In one corner, we have everyone's childhood favorite - sugary cereals from Kellogg! When I started watching what kinds of sugars I was eating, most cold cereals were obviously the first to get booted from my diet.  "The Battle Creek, Mich., company avoided a lawsuit threatened by parents and nutrition advocacy groups worried about increasing child obesity. Kellogg intends to formally announce its decision Thursday."
 
You see, most every Kellogg cereal is LOADED with unneccesary sugars. Seriously, all you're eating is fluff, corn, and SUGAR. There is precious little nutritional value in the shit. That's why we all scarf down bowl after bowl - because it doesn't make you feel full. So the whole argument that it's "light, it can't possibly be bad" is shit. You're stuffing yourself full of non-nutritive calories for nothing.
 
Kellogg is supposed to be reformulating their cereals to increase nutrition. Ha. I'll believe it when I see it. They have a handy loophole on the sugar: no more than 12 grams not counting sugar from fruit, dairy and vegetables. I'm confident they'll finangle that to their advantage somehow.
 
NOW, the OTHER CORNER: Winnetka, IL ! Check out the demographics on Wikipedia:
 
"The median income for a household in the village was $167,458, and the median income for a family was $200,000+. Males had a median income of $100,000+ versus $61,513 for females.
 
One of the more conservative suburbs of Chicago, George W. Bush received nearly 60% of the vote in Winnetka (2000 and 2004.)"
 
Winnetka is a classic "Chicago North Shore" community, i.e., RICH and WHITE (96.29%). (And most often stupid Republican.) The homes in this area are RIDICULOUS huge. If you're going to find a minority here, my bet is that said minority is going to either be mowing your lawn or working in your house.
 
Last night after class, I went to dinner with a couple friends. We're all in education. One of them is working in a well-known school in Winnetka. She was hired to work with FOUR kids. That's right. FOUR. Winnetka has the money to do that (whereas a CPS school, most likely, would be like "we don't have money to hire someone to work with 30 kids!"). These kids are refugees (literally, from a refugee camp where they lived on rice and pumpkin for over a year, bad health, no education, the works) from a W. African country. I guess a multifaith initiative in Winnetka sponsored them and they came over. Fifteen of them, four of whom are in the high school and are tutored by my friend.
 
Well, apparently the white fathers of the church/synagogue have gotten sick of the darkies. My friend was telling us how these faithy people have pretty much told the family they need to move out of their rented/sponsored home. The family is pretty much being pushed towards the south side of Chicago. Things that have been said by this group amount to absolute outright racism: "well, they'll be happier there; they'll be around people that look like them, right?" i.e., "they'll be around other black people." AND the worst? "They shouldn't get used to what they can never have." Seriously! My friend has heard A LOT of shit, not only from stupid people in the school, but also from the kids themselves (people have stopped them saying "oh, I donated X$/clothes/whatever for your family at the church - did you get it?"... and they HAVEN'T. The church hasn't given them a damn thing!).  
 
*eyes bug out*
 
WTF?! And this is a charitable multifaith group?! My friends and I are obviously pissed off hearing this. So, not only are they racist fucks, but they're also (apparently) misappropriating donations that people are giving SPECIFICALLY for this family. GOD! It's just mind-blowingly infuriating. There are so many things wrong with this situation.
 
1) So what if they're around other "black" people? I hate to tell you, but oftentimes African-Americans and recently arrived Africans DO NOT get along. Hell-0, two VASTLY different cultures beneath that skin you idiots can't see beyond. Get with the program: do all WHITE people get along - American versus European for instance? Hell no, so why should it be that way if someone is dark skinned?! IDIOTS!
 
2) CHURCHY/organized religion groups once again failing in their mission to love they neighbor. People.Suck.Period.End.
 
3) So much for equality!
 
I seriously just want to choke a bitch down there. To their credit, there are people in the school system ESL program (such as my friend and some co-workers) who are trying their best to be advocates for these kids and protect them. It just seems like they're fighting a losing battle against a group of rich, racist and powerful assholes. These kids have already lived through some horrific shit, now they're upset and worried because they hear stuff like the above. And to top it off, you'll have an idiot administrator waltz in to where the kids are at who talks shit about where they're headed to in Chicago, upsetting the kids, and then just waltzing back out of the room. WTF?! I can't remember which schools my friend mentioned, but suffice it to say they are the very opposite of Winnetka. It's an inner city CPS with no funding, safety concerns, and on the NCLB "failing" list. Yes, those kids are really going to get an education there...
 
Some days I just don't know what to do or think.
 
Props to my friend though. I'm always impressed by what she does.
 
Where did I get such fucking smart (and compassionate to boot) friends? Sometimes I feel horribly inadequate! I just sit here in cyberspace bitching and moaning!
 

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Travel

I was watching Samantha Brown on the travel channel last night. She was in Uruguay. Dude, that looks like a cool place to go!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Pineapple Afghan

Lo, it is finally complete. The color is much better in person. It's called "honey". The first shot is a close up of the "pineapple" pattern. This sucker completely covers my bed. It is over five feet long, and it's got to be a good three feet wide. Impressive. And quite, quite snuggly.





toosday

Warm summer months. I think there's something about the onset of summer that drives my sinuses insane. I had pretty bad headaches Sunday and Monday.

I love the warm weather, but not sticky warm weather. The morning and early evening hours are the best; it's before the sun can cook you to a crisp and everything is fresh and calm.

My squash are g r o w i n g! Whee! My tomatoes, however, are causing me some concern. I think I might have needed even bigger pots for them. The roots are growing out the bottoms!

What else is up? At school right now for my 4 o'clock class. I had to get a TB test done today for my fall student teaching. I covered my face with my hand while the nurse stuck me. She was good; I hardly felt a thing. But I am very obviously taking great care NOT to look at my arm. I'll get my arm looked at on Thursday when I come for class that evening. Now all I have to do is pay a ridiculous amount of money for my background check. Have to do that muy pronto. God, I really hate how, as a prospective teacher, you get absolutely stuck with paying for so much shit. I wish it were a tax write off (professional exams, medical tests, background checks, etc...).

Depending on how tired I am after class, I may go for a jog or to the gym. I really do want to finish tucking in the ends of that one afghan (pineapple design, although how the hell those are supposed to look like pineapples is a little beyond me) I just finished. Thing is MASSIVE. Huuuuuuuuge. I will also need to wash it once. God, I hope I don't shrink it or otherwise ruin it. I have the yarn care instructions, obviously, but...

Monday, June 11, 2007

Return of the Hooker

Ha ha -- hooker as in slang for crocheting.

I FINALLY am about to finish one of three afghans I've been working on. I had to go and get the pattern book from the library again. I've got all three panels made and they are now weave-stitched together. I just have to tuck in the loose ends AND do the final edge work around the whole. Thing is fucking MASSIVE. It's got to be close to five feet tall if not more and at least three feet wide. Very snuggly and warm. Which means it will be completely useless until the fall or winter at this point, but oh well.

I should take a picture of it as soon as it's been totally completed. I don't mean to keep it; I'm meaning to give it as a gift. Damn it all, I have gotten attached to the big monster!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Screaming Paris Hilton sent back to jail - News - Yahoo! TV

Screaming Paris Hilton sent back to jail - News - Yahoo! TV

It's not faaaaair? Suck my non-existant balls, slut. Throw her mom and dad in jail, too, for thinking they can buy their stupid daughter out of a rightful sentence.

And the sheriff should be fired!

People, I'm so serious - there needs to be a boycott of Hilton properties.

Dude, these pictures are so HAWT.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Tomato craze

I have become crazy about my patio garden. Last night we had bad weather come through the area. There were warnings about heavy winds and golfball sized hail. I grabbed my best potted vegetables and dragged them inside to the laundry room for shelter.
 
Hail missed us.
 
I am nuts - fussing over my plants. If I start singing or playing Mozart for them, please, shove me in a straight jacket.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Unclean

Oh, EWW.

I was watching Medical Mysteries (or ER Mysteries,
something or other) on TLC. Today's started off with
this Orthodox Jewish guy who suddenly started having
grand mal seizures.

The doctors theorized that he had a tapeworm in his
BRAIN (tapeworm GROSS no matter where, but OMG
BRAIN!!) due to bad or improperly cooked pork. But the
kid and his family were all like hell no, we're
Orthodox we don't eat pork.

The mystery goes on...

More and more people in this Orthodox community wind
up showing positive for tapeworm (although no one else
was symptomatic to the degree this guy was) and the
CDC can't figure out WTF is happening until they hit
on something. Many of these Orthodox families employ
housekeepers. Housekeepers that are from third world
countries where tapeworm infestations are still
endemic (often through bad food handling for pork.
Pigs will eat fecal matter...I think I'm going to curb
my pork intake after seeing this...). In particular,
the first family mentioned had had a housekeeper from
Guatemala, but now they had another Latin American.

CDC tests the housekeeper. BINGO. She's got it, as do
many of the other housekeepers (they got over 1800
blood samples from the community).

The nasty? The CDC theorizes that it's these
housekeepers who are acting as disease hosts and that
they are transmitting the tapeworms through the
fecal-oral method. I.E. THEY'RE SHITTING (and the
tapeworm eggs get dispersed in feces) NOT PROPERLY
WASHING THEIR HANDS, AND THEN PREPARING FOOD FOR THEIR
EMPLOYERS! Food which goes on to infect the Orthodox.

OH. GAG. ME.

And this all makes me think of this woman at work who
is annoying on many levels, but she also NEVER WASHES
HER HANDS! I've seen her in the bathroom on several
occasions where she just leaves the stall and goes out
the door without even looking at the sink!! She's not
Latin American (I think she may be from Spain,
actually). Believe you me, we do not refer to this
woman very flatteringly in our office because of her
uncleanliness.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Bike seats...or dildos (Well, apparently if you're crafty it's one and the same!)

You know, some of these bike seats look like they could double as toys. I mean...seriously! Look at them!

But at least this was an informative article about bike seats: Bicycle Seats Explained @ Jim Langley.

OH, and Terry Bicycles: I love the "cutout to reduce pressure on soft tissues" - YEAH.

See comments by Tick for some truly enterprising individuals (NSFW to the EXTREEEME).

All the pain, nothing fun getting there (more on the bike ride)

I literally had one of those reusable cold compresses placed on my girl parts last night because it hurt so bad from that bike ride.
 
I think it's swollen around the area where the edges of the bike seat were. Very UN-sexy. If this is what childbirth (which is what one of my co-workers said it sounds like and she HAS had kids and said it was comparable!) or rough sex is like, I'll pass on both, thank you very much!
 
I had the compress arranged (I was wearing shorts, so no, I didn't have it right on my skin), and then had to gingerly scooch down in bed to get into a prone position, whimpering the whole time. I also placed a pillow under my knees because my legs were hurting. My knees are NOT happy with me today. The first thing I did before even getting out of bed was to grab the bottle of ibuprofen on the nightstand and gulp down two.
 
OMG. Seriously, how do serious cyclists, especially guys do this? Are their nuts shriveled to little walnuts? I look like a crippled old lady getting in and out of my chair today. It's pathetic.
 
Lord, never EVER EVER do a road race/ride of any significant duration on a mountain bike. Sheer stupidity. The last ten miles I wanted to DIE. I was seconds away from sobbing at various points. I wanted to throw myself into a grassy ditch at several points (and this was only around 30 miles) and just weep.
 
The ride started in downtown Milwaukee and then went north. For the 50 mile, our furthest out point was somewhere in north Mequon. We were way the fuck out in BFE Mequon. We went well past (not that anyone besides me here knows this) Donges Bay Road. That last outer loop was what did me in, mentally. The outer rest stop was at Concordia College at 21.4 miles. So, you figure you have just under 4 miles to go out to hit halfway, then the same amount back to the rest stop (for just about 8 miles). Those 8 miles felt like 20. Nothing but country and it was so empty for the most part; I didn't have a lot of people around me and all I could think about was how much my knees and crotch were hurting! If I'd had to spend one more mile in Mequon I was going to go postal on someone.
 
It was beautiful on the way out passing the "stately" homes on Lake Michigan (fucking HUGE houses), but I couldn't care less on the way back.  The inner rest stop was about 12 miles out and I kept trying to tell myself it would go quick, but it didn't. I was dragging so bad. Somewhere in Whitefish Bay at an intersection, a volunteer was cheering us on and saying we were almost there. She practically made me cry. When we finally got back onto the lakefront in Milwaukee by UWM, I was in despair of seeing the Summerfest grounds.
 
There wasn't even a "finish line" area when you got to the end. It was so LAME! I felt gypped! Just some people with an orange flag saying "thanks for participating!" I got off my bike and walked it to the car. I wasn't spending another second on that damn seat. It felt so good to take a long shower afterwards. I was all dirty and gritty and disgusting.
 
I must find better bike shorts or something with better padding.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Eye Candy

I am over my mango lassi crush (no doubt largely due
to the fact that his going to work while coughing up
his lungs resulted in my sinusitis).

Next crush: Ioan Gruffudd.

MMmmmmmMMMM. He is more Wesley Wyndham-Price than
Wesley Wyndham-Price.

I watched the popcorniest of comic flicks - Fantastic
Four - for him. And then I went through the special
features just to hear him talk.

I MISS Welsh accents. People with Welsh accents always
seem to sound like they're singing while they're
talking. Lovely.