Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Only Obstacles are the Ones You Put There

As I mentioned a day or so ago, I did sign up on a whim for a dating site. The whole "this is the year I get a damn date" thing, I suppose. I can't really use the whole excuse of being too busy. I graduated, after all. For the last year and a half, at least, I've been content to not want a thing to do with humans of the male persuasion.

My friend Kathy, the one that does the metaphysical stuff, has often told me that whatever you want is possible, but you have to believe. Don't sabotage yourself by thinking or acting negatively. Energy attracts like energy. You don't have to be into metaphysical stuff to realize that. How many of us have been around people who are consistently negative - emotional vampires if you will - and just how taxing that is? Likewise, there are those people who light up a room and you're happy to be around. I've had to cut some people who were consistently boo-hoo birds who refused to help themselves, because WHY do I need that energy? And  you also have to think about what benefit you get from hanging on to the bad stuff. You may not think of it as a "benefit", but maybe it's the sympathy you get from others by having a pity party.

I'm starting to seriously think about this in regards to my dating situation. To be honest, I've had benefits from not dating and harping on it. I can make it to be a funny thing, sure, but I also rip on guys a lot. I'm only two or three days into this dating site and I'm already feeling HIGHLY ambivalent about it.

I've been thinking in my mind about the pros and cons of dating. What is there to make this whole dating thing worthwhile? Seriously? That rare glimmer of hope of luuuurve? Sex? An occasional sweaty grope where the guy gets off, but I don't?

I'm single. I don't have to compromise. I can do what the hell I want when I want. Say what I want. Not have to worry about hurting someone's feelings. Better yet, not have to worry about my own getting hurt because of some lying, unfaithful git.  No weakness.  No bad sex.  No potentially life threatening diseases due to icky genitals. No lies. No awkardness, fumbling around for the right thing to say or do. No wondering, lying awake at night. No longing. No holding back on saying "I love you" because you know the minute you do that the other shoe will drop and he'll be off. I see so many people in shitty relationships and unhappy, yet afraid of being on their own, so they settle for being miserable with someone instead of possibly being happy alone.

And what are the benefits of dating? Does the benefit outweigh the risk? I just can't think of anything that will balance out all the negatives I just listed. I mean...WHY? Why should I? I've gotten so complacent, so...happy in my present state, that I seriously wonder why should I change it?