Work decisions...and a reading or two.

I'm in another quandary about work. It's been quiet of late, which means I am terribly bored there. I'm tired of being an admin assistant. It's the same old shit. Same people complaining and whinging about the same shit that I have to help because they're too stupid half the time to figure out stuff for themselves. Yeah, job security.

A month or so ago, I tried to get a job as a document specialist on a team I used to work with as a temp. Two girls I know on that team really wanted me to get in there, but they didn't have the final decision on it. In the end, I got screwed out of the job, the reasons being: the decision-maker went with contractors instead of hiring full time, funding hadn't been approved for all the trials and the job level was "too high" for me. What a fucking joke on the last one. Some people in this company still adhere to the culture of "you have to go each rung on the ladder". I'm a grade 04 now. The doc specialist position they were hiring was an 07, so they didn't want to set up precedent by hiring me in too many grades higher. Well fine, then hire me at a 05 fuckwits.

Whatever. Since then, I've been getting training in the document specialist role with that team. The goal being that next time, I will have more qualification and won't be passed up so easily. My current manager is really supportive of me and he thought I could've done the 07 level just fine given a couple months. He was a little pissed off, actually, at the hiring manager on that team for the perceived "dicking around" with the job. These are people who know my work quality after all (the one I tried to get hired into) - I worked for them as a temp for over a year!

Thursday, I ran into the girls in the hallway and they told me they thought the job req might be opened again and to get a move on with it. Ooookay. I know the girls want me there, but what about the hiring manager (whom we shall refer to as "Dobby") again? Apparently, the girls overheard him talking to one of the contractors about updating her resume, because he may want to hire her. The girls (D and E) weren't too happy about that. I'm not either: I've been training with them AND meeting with that hiring manager - WTF? Is this guy trying to sneak in a contractor without opening the req? I should take priority - I'm a company employee looking for promotion AND I have a fucking stellar record, thank you very much.

It gets better: I had lunch with my friend M that day. Now, I also used to do temp work with M in her group. She's an admin like me, but at a grade 05 since she works with a divisional vice president. I get along great with her and that group. It's four women and they work hard. Now M has been looking for another job opportunity; she has loads of talent and really, she needs a move up. To cut it short, she virtually has a job locked up in legal. The hiring manager and the people on the team there are digging her. Her boss, the DVP, knows she applied for the position and has given her support and recommendation for M to get the job. I think she'll get the job as soon as the hiring manager gets back from his trip next week on Friday.

So, just as I was telling M that I was getting exasperated with my current job, she gives me a sidelong look and says "Well, I've got something to ask you..." Crap, I knew what was coming: she asked me if I would move over and replace her when/if she gets the new position in legal. AND THEN, her boss even ASKED ABOUT ME wanting to come over. Holy fuck. I guess I should be pleased with how well she thinks of me (and I am, truly). Goddamn fucking decisions. It would be a grade level up, which means a raise. (And lordy, I need a raise badly.) But it's still admin. Less people and a different focus than my current team (and no Potatoes - crappy coworker - thank god), but still an admin. The worry is that I'd get pigeon-holed in the admin role, which is partially why I want that doc specialist position so badly. I know the DVP would work with me on setting career goals to try and alleviate that, but still...it's a worry. It's difficult. M's got very big shoes to fill. I can handle all the basic admin aspects; it's some of the stuff regarding training sessions and complicated presentations that M does so well that I'm worried about. I know, I should shut up and be more confident. I used to work as an executive assistant at another company (although that woman was psycho that I supported and I hightailed it out of there; guess it makes me gunshy). I can do this job; it's just a question of "do I want to"?

I'm going to have to make a decision this weekend. I know M has that job - she's way too qualified NOT to get it, and she deserves it. I just wish the fucking team with the doc specialist role would get a goddamn move on. I don't want to pass up the executive assistant job only to get dicked over with the doc specialist role again. And man, I do not trust Dobby right now. He kind of dicked me around the last time; he's pissing off D and E with his inability or unwillingness to deal with some contractor issues - is that the kind of supervisor I want to have? I mean, hell, my supervisor right now has his faults, too, but all in all he's great and looks out for me. I told him about both of these situations today and he gave me some advice. (Although that didn't necessarily help - in the end, it's a leap of faith/roll of the dice for me, isn't it?)

Either one is a move UP and a pay raise - if I pass one up, does Lady Luck get pissed off at me and not throw any more bones my way? The company is going through funding decisions right now, which isn't helping. That's also what might be stalling Dobby...if that team's projects get funded, then yeah I can see the job req opening up again. It's the same with my current team, too. If we get funded, we're going to get fuck-all busy and my job could get interesting again (although without the damn raise, unfortunately). But can I realistically afford to pass up the executive admin job (which will most likely require a response from me within 1 1/2 weeks) on the mere possibility that a job req will be opened up soon for a doc specialist?

I want to rip my hair out in frustration here. I need a raise. I need a promotion. I need a change.

When it rains, it fucking pours.

Did a tarot card spread to try and meditate and it wasn't very forthcoming in some respects. I did the first spread with the Timothy Lantz deck, but then pulled out the Rider-Waite for a spread to try and clarify it. Pretty much asked whether I should hold out for the doc specialist position since that's the one I want, but the person I don't necessarily trust in the hiring position.

Lantz deck: (1)Knight of Wands (2)6 Cups (3) 7 Swords (4) K Pentacles (5) 5 Swords (6) 8 Cups (7) R Queen Swords (8) Ace Pentacles (9) R World (10) R 2 Pentacles. All in all, a "sneaky" or "deceiving" reading. That doesn't make me feel so hot about the doc specialist position, as far as Dobby is concerned. Outcome in 10 seems to indicate it taking at least 2 months and that might not even be favorable.

Rider-Waite deck: (1) R 3 Pentacles (2) 5 Pentacles (3) R Hanged Man (4) R 5 Wands (5) R 7 Wands (6) R Ace Cups (7) 7 Swords (8) Empress (9) King of Cups (10) R 2 Wands. Bleargh. The way the pentacles are in this spread, it reflects my current need for more cash!! Also see some of the sneakiness from the first reading with 7 Swords in the 7th position. Now, the Empress card intrigues me in position 8. That's the placement for how others view your situation/question. I could see the the vice president (M's current boss) in that...she's a nurturing person (but don't let that fool you into thinking she slacks - hell no) and looks out for her people. I already know she's looking out for me: she's already asked M if I would want to fill in.

The last card also makes me think. It's another 2 card, but wands, so a quicker outcome than pentacles: weeks (fits in with the possible executive admin timeframe) as opposed to months. Wands deal with the "fruits of your labor" (i.e. work) so also very appropriate. "Delays in receiving the message [the doc specialist job??] or that contacts are not made. Things might be waylaid, or delays or disappointing news may be on the horizon. The reversed page of wands usually brings a message you don't want to hear...this message might not arrive in time, and warnings are often being given when the Page of Wands is reversed. If this card represents a person, he's likely to be theatrical, overzealous, superficial or image conscious. The Page of Wands is trying to let you know that you should be on the alert for some delays or disappointing news. But remember, you can turn the card back up if you desire."

Seriously? I think I'm being told to not hold my breath about the doc specialist role (at least not in Dobby's group). I don't trust him already...it might not even get funded, and/or I might get dicked around again.

Crap.

Maybe I'll just sleep on it some more.