Eye Candy

I watched such a trashy movie - The Transporter. God, there is absolutely no plot and it totally defies the laws of physics half the time. BUT Lord, Jason Statham is... *loses motor control for a moment*

*cough* Um, yes. Please for to be doing more of the gratuitous taking off of the shirt? That's definitely a guy who could do a stand up job.

And then I was watching (instead of fucking doing my damn paper) Grey's Anatomy and Chris O'Donnell is doing a spot on it. He's all sorts of deliciousness (just not in the "thug, I can beat yo' ass" sort of way that Statham is, obviously). I was drooling over him, too.

And yet, I still can't be bothered to get truly hot under the collar about men right now. TV eye candy, fine. Real life? No. I may want a man, but I can't be bothered to put up with the endless bullshit and lying and inevitable getting broken up with. The sex ain't that great.

My libido has, for all intents and purposes, been dead since last July. I can't hardly imagine myself into getting hot and bothered solo. It's like why bother?

Jesus, I'm nearly 30 and already dead from the waist down (or should we say, from the neck up, since my brain doesn't even give a shit and I'm not even interested in self-love?).

My life fucking sucks.

2/3 done

Finished (I think it's crap, but at least it's done)
my final presentation and letter to senator for the
Assessment Issues class.

Still have to finish up this goddamned paper for
Teaching English in the Junior and Senior High.

*weeps*

I think I have to take a break. Need to go to the
store and buy laundry detergent. Think I'll also stop
at the health club to work out on the bike. I need to
get out of my bedroom for once this weekend...

Finals

I have been slaving since Friday night at trying to crank this final paper out for my SCED 401L class. I am just damned tired and sick (literally - I'm still heavily congested).

I've only got about seven pages of the minimum 15 I need. If anyone wants to read (*cough* if I haven't already emailed it to you that is...) it and offer me a critique, GOD, please offer.

Other than that: two notes of interest. Friday at work, my boss was given four Cubs tickets. We drew names out of a hat to see who would get tickets. I was drawn - as FIRST ALTERNATE. Yeah. So much for that. I mean, I doubt one of the ladies that got drawn will actually want to go, but I can't count it as a sure thing! I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Second raffle experience today at the bicycle shop. I just recently got a new bicycle because I am damned tired of the gas prices and I want to ride to work more often in the summer. Today they had a ladies night event with promos, raffles, and company reps at the store. Pretty cool. I went in knowing I wanted to buy a pair of padded biking shorts and some riding gloves. I got a raffle ticket (for free) and wound up winning a $50 pair of sunglasses. Sunglasses that have interchangeable lenses - two extra pairs of lenses, plus a case and cleaning cloth. Schweeet!

Now...if only that paper of mine would write itself.

better than christmas...

It's Professional Administrative Assistants Day!!

Which means I get recompensation for all the stuff I put up with the 364 other days of the year!!

Flowers! $25 TGIFriday's gift card, Panera card, chocolates, more chocolates, candles, more chocolates....

And a really awesome t-shirt that says: Some days, it's not even worth biting through the restraints. Yes, I think that one is my favorite.

Brit TV

I was watching PBS late last night and some old British show was on that had Hugh Laurie in it. My god. It's hysterical seeing Hugh Laurie in that and contrasting it with his current appearance on the US show "House". Obviously, he's using an American accent on "House", but then the physical acting of each character - it's like a completely different man.

He was so...foppish in the British show. I swear I couldn't understand half of the slang, but I was laughing all the same.

Ahhh.

Great. Now back to Paulo Freire and Pedagogy of the Oppressed. I'm the one feeling oppressed right now, thankyouverymuch.

---

I wonder how many people have read this (admittedly bland) blog by being redirected from Lippy? Anyone care to remark? I know I've read a couple of her links, notably Tickersoid and Lee. I was practically curled up in the fetal position from laughing so hard reading both of them.

End of Term

I have to say, it's shocking how little
self-confidence I have when it comes to the things
that are important to me.

I can't even explain it fully to myself. I wish I
could.

All I know is that this school thing is kicking my
ass. I'm constantly questioning myself. I feel like
I'm having a mid-life crisis...and I'm not even 29.

God, writing 29 is depressing.

Arrogance

"I believe this decision today is not in accordance with the kind of public service that I provided to the people of Illinois over 40 years, and needless to say I am disappointed in the outcome. But I feel confident in our appeal and there will be an appeal." -- Former Gov. George Ryan.

What an arrogant bastard. "...not in accordance..." ? So what? We owe YOU? Dude, you were a public servant. That meaning SERVANT of the people. And you screwed the people by taking bribes and continuing years of corruption. Your culture of corruption resulted in needless deaths. You were the top dog - you were responsible for your underlings. You turned a blind eye to everything going wrong, and in fact, encouraged it. We owe you jack. You make me sick.

Holy Hell

Holy hell. They just found George Ryan guilty! I never thought they would.

Tarot reading for School

Forgot to put this up a while ago, but it did help
calm my mind.

1. 5 swords
2. The Tower
3. R The Chariot
4. R Strength
5. R The Star
6. 10 Cups
7. R 5 Cups
8. Queen Pentacles
9. Queen Swords
10. Herald Wands

Egg Day

Oh man. I am wiped out. Been cooking and cleaning most of the day, leading up to dinner at 2:30. And now I get to do homework. Ugh.

My lemon trifle was the BOMB, though. I have more than 2/3 of it left. I see myself bringing it to work and pawning it off on people before it can all collect on my hips. Self-preservation! Oh the lemony goodness of it all.

I am now sipping tea. I tried a little shot of limoncello - -wooo boy. It's a digestif, but holy cow.

Lemon dreams...

Oh my god. I just made the most fantastic lemon curd. Seriously, folks, Tyler Florence is god. I made his beef bourginon and the first taste: I swear it was like culinary orgasm in my mouth. It's the same thing over again, just with sweet-tart lemony sunshine goodness. *rolls eyes* Oh...yummy.

I got the recipe off of Food Network and it's actually part of the Lemon Curd Trifle I'm going to make. Easy to make, but your arm gets damn tired from whisking for 10 straight minutes.

6 large egg yolks
1 cup sugar
4 lemons, zested and juiced
1 stick (half cup) of butter, cut into chunks

Throw the yolks, sugar, lemon juice and zest into a heat proof bowl and whisk until smooth. Set on top of simmering water (but don't let the bowl touch into the water) and whisk like fury for 10 minutes, until the curd has doubled in volume and is thick and yellow. Do not let boil. Remove from heat and whisk in the butter, a couple chunks at a time, until fully incorporated. Put into the refrigerator for a couple hours to set. (I put some film down directly on the top of the curd to keep it from forming a skin while chilling. I also added a splash of limoncello after I'd put in all the butter.)

Oh my god - it tastes absolutely DIVINE. I can't wait to make that trifle tomorrow.

In other hair related news: I went to the salon this morning for my "intervention" as I'll call it. Unsurprisingly, the Marliene chick couldn't do anything with it. She confirmed what I already knew: that it was cut way too short on the top. She also said it was very unevenly cut - JOY, one additional fuck up. My only options were to 1)just let it grow out or 2)she could cut the back up to blend in better with the shorter top layer. She said #2 would mean I'd have really short hair. Fuck that, but at least she was straight with me. She has curly hair, too, so she could tell right away my hair had been fucked by the cut that idiot Crystal (who happened to be working this morning as well!) gave me.

I have come to the basic conclusion that I essentially have a mullet. You just can't tell as much when it's left curly, but it's definitely a mullet. Don't I feel dyke-y? I'm going to make a voodoo doll and name it Crystal. And then I'm going to rip its guts out.

But I doubt that's even her name. Mario Tricoci has this twee practice of making its employees pick "ooh la la" sounding names. What the fuck? Like I said: very twee. I'm moving on to the Aveda salon my friend Mindy likes. At least they listen to what you want. That salon was the place that fixed my fucked up highlighting job that I got at - surprise! - Mario Tricoci last summer.

At least I got my money credited back. I can use it for when I get my eyebrow and bikini wax with Connie (who, unlike Crystal, knows how to do her job).

It was a good (punny) friday

No tutoring to do this morning - yeah! Got let out of work early - 3:30pm. It was absolutely friggin gorgeous outside, topping 80 degrees. I was in a blissful, spring-warmth induced haze driving out of the company park. I'm just so happy it's WARM!

I went to Whole Foods against my better judgment, to get some things I wanted to make for Easter dinner. That place made me even happier. The whole front was stuffed with flowers - roses, lillies, gerberas, and tons of other things I didn't even know. Glistening containers of ruby strawberries, blackberries, blueberries - yum!

I had the wickedest little mouthful of lemon pie in the bakery section. It was divine - like eating sunshine. Unfortunately, they don't sell lemon curd, though. I wanted to buy some pre-made instead of making it myself for this lemon curd trifle recipe I'm going to try. I think it's a Tyler Florence recipe. Ever since his beef bourginon recipe, I think he's god.

Came home and watched the Cubs game. Totally let the damn Pirates back into the game. Fucking Wuertz. Went out for a walk as well.

And then my happiness ended. I got back home and found out that Mario Tricoci had called to confirm my "re-cut" appointment with Marlene tomorrow. Excuse me? RE-CUT? There will absolutely NOT be any re-cutting of my hair. The whole problem, fuckers, is that your idiot bitch Crystal CUT TOO MUCH OF MY HAIR! It's short e-fucking-nough! Oh, I'm going to have issues there tomorrow, for sure. The first thing I'm doing when I get in there is talk to the manager and ask her to clarify this whole "re-cut" thing and to demand my money back.

I'm still damn hot about my hair getting butchered. I'm not going to be a happy customer to deal with.

Kiwi have kinda crunchy little seeds don't they? Interesting.

Currently addicted to...

Anytime Neko Case puts out an album, I must have it.
Case in point: Fox Confessor Brings the Flood. That
shit just rocks, which is ironic, considering she is
heavily country-influenced (and normally I despise
country). Her "John Saw the Number" song makes me want
to sing out loud (very badly) in my car.

Pair it up with Bob Marley's "Waiting in Vain" (also
on near-constant repeat lately) and I am muy happy.

It was raining and hailing here for a while. I wonder
if the worst of the weather has gone past? We were
under a severe thunderstorm warning for a while there.
But hell, it was eighty degrees today, and that counts
as a fabulous day in my mind. Just gorgeous - finally!
I keep looking at the trees, though, wondering where
the leaves are. Maybe I'm just overly anxious and
thinking winter this year was longer, but I swear the
leaves should be out already.

Anne just bought the BMI flights from Edinburgh to
London (8 Sept) for our trip this summer. Sweet! We've
got all the supercritical stuff paid for now. Next up
are the tours for Ireland and Scotland, plus saving
money up for the lodgings we've already reserved.
Things are moving along and I'm thankful for it.

Other randomness: the word of the day is/was (it's so
late at this point) was logorrhea. A big five to
anyone who can accurately figure out the meaning. Rely
on your knowledge of Greek and Latin roots, people.
(Or as I asked a co-worker, what other words look like
this? However, do not think like she did and wind up
saying "gonorrhea". While hysterical, that was not
actually correct!)

And with that, I think I shall sign off.

Shorn Sheep

This is the proverbial straw that has broken the proverbial camel's back...

I was needing a haircut, and actually looking forward to it. I set one up for last Friday, the 7th, at Mario Tricoci. I have gone to Crystal for about a year or so, even though on times she has ticked me off with her scissor happiness. Usually I have to give myself a day or two to adjust. I have never quite felt like she listened to me.

No. Not this time.  I go in and tell her that I like my length and that I just want the dead-ends cut off. She agrees that the length is good, but then points out that the top needs a little shaping. Fine, I can see that it does.

She cuts it SHORT. Extremely short. And then she plasters it with far too much product. It was so disgustingly slimey feeling that I had to run home at 6pm to shower and restyle it and then run to my 7pm meet-up with friends. I screamed when I realized what she had done.

SHE CUT BANGS INTO MY HAIR. BANGS. Where did "I'm happy with my length and just want a trim/shape" turn into BANGS?! WTF?!

My hair now does this interesting thing where it sticks UP in the top-back when I straighten it, because there's nothing to weight it down (hence her plastering my hair with product). Conversely, when I leave it curly (like today), it doesn't even want to curl like it used to because IT'S TOO SHORT!!! The bangs she cut in just flop. It takes me nearly an HOUR to try and style even though I have like 2/3 less hair, because it doesn't want to do ANYTHING. I felt like she wasn't paying attention while she was cutting it. I felt like her scissors were slipping. I was f***ing right.

It's so short I can't even tuck it behind an ear. I've been alternately in a killing rage or weeping. Yes, I know it will grow back. But in the meantime, it will be at least three months of wanting to gag when I have to look in the mirror to attempt to style it. And god only knows how it's going to grow out.

I hate the way my face looks in this cut. There's no framing to it. I'm all forehead with this goddamn cut. How the hell could she have just hacked my hair like this?! HOW?!

I just had to rip a mirror in my cube down. And I don't even use it to look at myself - it's for seeing who's coming up the aisle. I just caught a glimpse of myself in it.
I called up the salon and spoke to a manager. I'm supposed to go in on Saturday with a veteran stylist who will try to help me work with it or "blend" in the bangs. Fine. But there's no way that it can be blended, I'm telling you that straight out. It's impossible.

After this, there is no way in hell I am ever going back to Mario Tricoci for a haircut ever again. They have completely lost my trust. I already signed up for an appointment on June 2nd at my friend Mindy's salon. That's if I even have any hair to cut by that time. But at least that salon has women who actually *listen* to you and do what you want. WOMEN. WHO. LISTEN. Not uppity under 25s who think they know best. WTF - who cuts bangs nowadays anyway?!

Dietary

Atkins Advantage bars are so much better when you buy them from a specialty shop. Reason: they actually turn their stock over much faster, resulting in fresher product.

For instance, the Golden Oats bar I'm eating was bought at the Low Carb Chicago store. It has a very definite honey taste to it and is moist. Were I to buy the same thing at Dominick's, it would lack the honey flavor and be a lot drier. Because it sat on the shelf for about 6 months!

Gimmee fresh!!

I don't have motivation to do a damn thing right now. I should be working on my growth and performance evaluation forms. But...so dull.

Found out

blogger ain't so private as LJ. oh well.

 

I  have been found out by M of RRH. Oh well. I'm sure my endless complaining will not be that exciting.

 

But go check out his stuff. It's like...comics 'n stuff. And good.

Horoscope 4/6/06

You could get rather discouraged today, for it seems like everything you say is either misinterpreted or it just comes out wrong. You may think that you would be better off if you stayed silent, but that won't work either. You might have to move slower than you prefer in order to make sure that everyone truly understands what's going on.

General Daily Overview
Expansive Jupiter and contractive Saturn, along with sweet Venus, sit on three points of a complex seven-pointed star today, continuing the weird energy pattern that started yesterday. It feels as if the veil between this world and other worlds is just a bit thinner than usual, creating opportunity for strange and beautiful experiences. The Moon enters playful Leo at 12:25 pm EDT, shining light onto the mysterious septiles, enabling us to see the complexity more clearly. Meanwhile, rational Mercury bumps up against stern Saturn, so we may get quite frustrated trying to explain what is beyond words.

From Suntimes:

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Years ago, you may have decided to live with a certain problem, but these days, such a decision will only wear you down. The stars suggest this is the perfect day to solve the issue and put it behind you for good.

Comic

Let me tell you all:

The latest issue of Planetary just kicked my ass.

Woo-wah!

Comfort

Why is it that all the hot and smart men are married
already? Oh yeah. that would be because they are hot
and smart.

There is this guy in my Tuesday class that I found
myself checking to see if he had a wedding ring on. He
doesn't, but he could have a girlfriend.

But then I remember: NO MORE DATING PEOPLE IN MY
CLASSES. Sorry. Been there and done that and don't
feel like doing it again.

Even if he does have the most gorgeous arms...

Then there's Brett. Who is married. I always thought
he was such a cutie. He's so nice, too. We were
talking about student teaching and my current freakout
about the money issue when that happens. He's like
"You can't give up at this point - you've come this
far!"

*sigh* I know. This is what I need to hear to make me
keep holding on. Thank god I have classmates and
friends like this to keep me motivated. Some days,
it's the only thing making me cling to my hope of
teaching.

It's 8:30 and I was going to go to the gym after
class, but I am exhausted. Circles under my eyes
exhausted. I ate two hot dogs and a cookie for dinner
and I will not feel sorry about it. I will go to the
gym tomorrow.

For now: sleep. Sleep in a bed with fresh clean
sheets. Comfort.

Card destruction

Just cut up my Target card. No more. Buh-bye.

Horoscope

Please tell me this means I'll figure some way of doing this student-teaching thing??

You have a keen sense of organization today and can put the littlest pieces in place while working on a grand idea. Your key planet Mercury is unrestrained now and can assist you in accomplishing great things. Don't waste time doubting what you can do. If you can think it, then you can make it happen.

General Daily Overview
The Moon enters self-protective Cancer at 2:15 am EDT, driving our needs beneath the winds of thought and deep into the seas of emotion. In fact, the Moon's entrance into gentle Cancer further stimulates a harmonious trine aspect between thoughtful Mercury and broad-minded Jupiter, both also in water signs. Although we are quite intuitive now as our feelings are aroused by the water element, we are also overly confident. We need to follow our hunches; even if they are too optimistic, we are likely to move in a positive direction.

Money is the root of all evil

I hate money and I hate not having enough of it. I made some pretty irresponsible decisions when I was younger. Unfortunately, it takes a while to pay them off.

I have not a few bills to pay. I am working on paying them down. Some are done - yeah for me. But still, having to pay upwards of $2000 for grad school in the space of six months is NOT easy. I work a lot and I work hard for my money. Not only am I having to pay for school, I am also desperately trying to pay down whatever bills I can in preparation for my student teaching semester. When I will have NO job whatsoever and be flat broke. I've already had to push that off by a semester. I am freaked out every time I think about it because I honestly do not see how I can pull this off. I can't fill out a FAFSA form - - they don't take into account the fact that I won't have a job at that time. All they see is that I have a job NOW.

And now my mom is wanting to retire because she hates her job. I wish she could, but I don't see how it's going to work. She's barely making ends meet even with me living with her and paying for half the shit. She's like "oh, social security". Yeah, that's barely enough to wipe your ass with. Okay, so she's also got her work pension. Don't know how much that is. "Oh, I'll get a part time job." Fine. What about HEALTH INSURANCE?! See, here in the great fucking US of A, we have no fucking affordable health care insurance. I'm sorry, I don't care what the government or pharma companies (and I work for one) say - there just isn't. Health insurance alone would cost, at least, her entire monthly social security check. And then what about her medications? My mom had breast cancer a few years ago. She has to go in for routine check ups - more often than someone who never had cancer. She has medication she has to continue to take - tamoxifen I think. She's had reoccuring Bell's Palsy. Also requires visits to the doctor. The health care situation alone just fucks it all to bits.

And then she complains (rightly) about how high the property tax is. And then she also tosses the money she doesn't have to the goddamn fucking Catholic Church. (That's a whole other rant.) And she wants me to pay an extra $30/week to save towards the property tax. It doesn't sound like a lot, but believe me, it is right now. She gets all accusatory: "What bills do YOU have?! You don't have a car payment or a mortgage!"

No, I don't have either of those, but jesus fucking christ. I have a ridiculous Citibank CC (a bad stupid decision in my youth), Banana Republic CC, Target CC (which I seriously need to just cut up), Apple computer payment (ye gods, almost paid off), MBNA loan (that was one of those stupid mistakes), the townhome association monthly payment, SBC phone and DSL, Comcast cable, GRAD SCHOOL, TWO student loans in deferment (while I'm in school), mobile phone payment. Is that it (ha ha, is that "it"?). Oh, and let's toss in car maintenance, which I DO pay for. I am in debt up to my eyeballs, realistically speaking.

Looking at this, the last thing I should probably be doing is going on another trip overseas, but goddamnit. At some point, for my own mental health, I need to be able to enjoy SOMETHING. I work fucking HARD. If I can scrounge up the money to go on a trip, then damnit, why can't I? (And damnit, a lot of the money for this new trip is just because I stopped going to Starbucks...) I do fucking pay 80% of the bills in this household, I'd say. And whose money was it that bought all the fucking paint and supplies to do the downstairs? Yeah, that was ME, too.

I'm just frustrated and scared and unhappy. It doesn't take a lot at this point to understand why people kill themselves and others over this stupid shit.

There is just going to be no way for me to do the student teaching semester. I just don't know how. I don't. And I'm going to feel like a failure if I come all this way for nothing. I want to cry.

More Graduate School - TESOL

Preserving for posterity...

6 Courses needed for certification
1. Ling 401 (already taken)
2. Ling 420 (2 yearly, heavy on discourse)
3. Ling 414 (trying to enroll Fall 06)
4. Ling 410 prereq 410)
5. Ling 468 (prereq 410 or 414)
6. Ling 446 (2 yearly)

Horoscope

If someone in your life has been trying to control you, today you may feel like the proverbial camel who just took the last straw. You've had enough. Unfortunately, it might not be that easy to change the situation. It really is more complicated than just sharing your feelings.

General Daily Overview
It may be a real challenge to concentrate today, as the versatile Gemini Moon is still quite disruptive, especially as it conjuncts action planet Mars. We are motivated to interact with anyone who shows up in our life now, for we may believe that additional experiences are advantageous, no matter what the energetic cost. The problem is that the Moon also tensely opposes Pluto, setting up a potential struggle for power that foreshadows an even more intense Mars-Pluto opposition that's looming near.

These are the times that try [women's] souls...

Mondays suck. Especially the first Monday right after Daylight Savings Time begins. Yesterday I was so behind just because of that one little hour. I had very little sleep last night as well.

Woke up quite cranky this morning, and not at all pleased that I'll be back to the 40 hour workweek grind + 6 hours of class + 8 hours tutoring. Why do I not get paid more? Why do I not win the lottery? Why do I not have a ridiculously hot man to ravish me at night to make this all bearable? Oh right, I'm already pulling ridiculous hours elsewhere. Scratch that. No time for recreational-copulation.

Got in to work and before I could even start up the computer, I stupidly answered a phone call. From the Spanish affiliate, wondering why two people were not on a conference call. Seriously, J had it right: birds of a feather flock together. There is a certain group of people on our team who have the same nervous temperament. I hate dealing with them because they're nervousness rubs off on me. They always treat everything like it's a damn crisis when it's just a molehill (to mix my proverbs). The Spanish affiliate person is just like them, too. Ack - very aggravating.

Also had to register for my classes for the Fall. I despair at the amount of money I have to fork over. I just finished paying for spring with a payment I sent on Thursday-last. I now have to toss in about $370 to confirm my summer classes; that's due by April 27th. But then I have to pay off all $1K+ of that tuition prior to being able to pay my confirmation amount for fall (another $370), due 7/27. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

All this in the midst of trying to save for that Ireland/UK trip in Aug/Sept (hey, maybe I'll run into a hot Scotsman to ravish me who will be a zillionaire). Which is also going to make me miss some classes! I managed to find some classes to take on Mondays (so I won't miss as many because of my trip). I've got to switch out of the LEAD 413 and go to LING 414 instead. I just received permission from the Linguistics teacher to enroll. I wonder how long it will take for that to go through the system. I should check now. I'm really interested in seeing what the Community College course will be like. Assuming I make it through this gauntlet, I'd like to end up teaching at the college level someday. Not as many dumbass fucking laws (NCLB being the biggest culprit) to deal with in college as opposed to obligatory education.

ELAD-LEAD-413 Human Relations and Leadership, 3
cr. Study of basic concepts and principles of interpersonal
relationships, communications, group interaction, and leadership
and effectiveness. Emphasis on theory, application and
skill development. Students will observe and assess interpersonal,
group and organizational dynamics with attention
to cultural factors and development of effective interaction
and problem-solving skills.

ELAD-LEAD-480 The Community College, 3 cr. Provides
the student with theoretical and practical knowledge about
the philosophy, history, students, services, staff and organizational
structure of the community college. National trends
of the two year college will be analyzed.

LING-414 Theories of Teaching English As a Second
Language, 3 cr. Survey of theories of the teaching and
learning of English as a second or foreign language. A
look at the historical growth and development of second
language methodologies from grammar-translation and the
direct method, through the audio-lingual method and its
offspring, and up to the current natural and eclectic period.

Reading for Lippy

You asked "what direction next?" I had to do two readings, because the first one just confused the hell out of me.

1. (Self) Strength: Courage, strength, power, health, conviction, determination, will power. You have the ability to focus on and will your way through to the things you want. (Very fitting of your personality!)

2. (Obstacles or Good Things, although not necessarily productive to the question asked) 2 Pentacles: Ups and downs, turmoil, loss of balance, being pulled apart, juggling finances.

3. (Basis/Root of the Question) R 7 Cups: Realism, decisiveness, clarity of thought, plans, dedication, resolve. Goes well with the first card. You're getting ready to pursue a new course.

4. (Past Influence waning) R Emperor : Confusion, dependency, failure, lack of self-control, irresponsibility. Good thing to be going away from, I say.

5. (Possible Future Influence) R Herald Cups: Immaturity, insecurity, irresponsibilty, laziness, shunning others. Beware of this. Stay strong.

6. (Strong Future Influence) High Priestess: Follow your intuition! Spiritual enlightenment, divine knowledge, the subconscious, wisdom. Follow your gut instincts and meditate upon the truth.

7. (More surrounding the Self) Hanged Man: Goes well with the previous card (HP). Conviction, decision, looking at different alternatives, re-evaluation of goals, sacrifice. You're very much a thinker and an analyzer. You deliberate over decisions. Whatever path you're about to take, make sure to continue this trait. Whatever path it is, you will be dedicated to it.

8. (How others view you and your question) R The Moon: Secrets revealed, a warning of deception, awareness. Someone may be offering you information in the near future that will affect what path/decision you make.

9. (Hopes & fears) R Ace Swords: Embarrassment, folly, illusion, threats, cruelty, emotional conflicts, undesired results. No wonder you deliberate over decisions so much...

10. (Outcome/timing) 6 Swords: An envoy, a messenger, travel, calm waters, smooth sailing, relaxation. If this card holds true, you should make your decision within six days. Swords are the quickest suit. Card suggests the path you choose will be smooth.