If you can't handle the heat, get the hell outta my kitchen

Okay, this is getting ridiculous.

Stop pampering Soriano, start using him wisely: Jay Mariotti

So now the Cubs are warning fans not to fire verbal zingers at Alfonso Soriano. Seems they want $45 for a bleacher ticket, $6 for a beer and your right to free speech if the human blooper reel drops another fly ball. What might they demand next, a group hug for Soriano by the vines every time he goofs up?

Why not just position a full-time shrink inside the little green door in left field? He would have come in handy Tuesday night at Wrigley, where a season of Soriano defensive scrutiny continued with his latest error, an air-mailed throw that landed closer to the Cubby Bear than home plate. A Dodgers runner scored, two others moved up, and 40,000 folks groaned in the 40-degree chill. But don't you dare say anything harsh to poor Alfonso

Dude, if I paid money to go to the game, I'm going to freaking yell at WHOMEVER I damn well please. Whether it's "Soriano, you twit!" or "DeRosa you are so &*%$@#*(#)!@ HOT!" I'll leave the screaming at Cedeno to other females. What is this? The Cubs version of "don't you dare critique the Bush regime you unpatriotic idiot" of the early years of empire?

Mariotti goes on to give props to Brenley for his "throw a dart at the dugout" comment earlier from the Pittsburgh debacle.

What do you do with him, then? Do you move him to second base and have Mark DeRosa and others play left field? You could, but Soriano has exceeded 20 errors at that position three times. For now, Piniella must yank him out of left in late innings, which he refused to do Tuesday night but survived anyway in a Kosuke Fukudome-stoked, 3-1 victory. When the generally favorable men in the broadcast booth start complaining, you know Soriano has issues. TV analyst Bob Brenly should be applauded for his Steve Stone-like blitz, saying after the Pittsburgh blunder, "You could throw a dart at that (Cubs) dugout and find a better defender in left field." He also amplified what I wrote last week, that Soriano can't be considered a superstar when his defense is so offensive. As for radio fan Ron Santo, I'm not sure if he's over his latest "Ohhhhhh, noooooooo" moment, which rivaled his all-time shriek when someone dropped the ball in left field 10 years ago.

If someone is stupid enough to put Soriano in the infield...! I shudder to think. He can't fucking field OUTfield, why the hell would you have him in the INfield? Dude, DeRosa is a great utility man, but it would be stupid to have him in the outfield permanently.

Thoughts? Comments? Flames? Whatever, I got beer to douse the flames, so don't even bother with those.

ALSO: Something I noticed, does Derrek Lee "doink!" every guy shorter than him when he comes in to score? I've been noticing this lately, where he usually bops a player on the head with his hand.