Monday, November 13, 2006

I heard choirs of angels while reading this. For real.

There are just some damn funny bits in this write up. My favs in bold.

IN OTHER NEWS: I migrated to the beta version. NOW they tell me I can't post comments on non-migrated blogs. Thanks jackasses.

Bears have horses to win in slop

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. -- At least there should have been mud. It could have flown up from behind the shoes of rookie Bears kick returner Devin Hester like pixie dust from the hooves of a Kentucky Derby winner.

Hester's 108-yard hesitation touchdown return of Giants kicker Jay Feely's missed field goal in the fourth quarter made the score of this huge game 31-20 Bears, and it stunned the Giants into submission.

The final score would be 38-20 as the Giants had nothing left.

''They're supposed to be the best team in the NFC, according to some people,'' said Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, speaking snarkily of the Giants. ''I guess we are now.'' [OOh, I think Brian is feeling testy.]

No kidding.

On this nasty night with diehard fans at Giants Stadium wearing everything from winter parkas to garbage bags to ward off hypothermia, the erratic early play by both teams would have gone better with muck.

But there was Hester, catching the field-goal attempt at the back of the end zone, then standing like a statue for one terrifying beat, then two beats, messing with the Giants' minds, scaring Bears observers half to death, looking indecisive and innocent, then setting sail up the right sideline, riding a tidal wave of Bears blockers to the house. [No shit. I was watching and going 'WTF is he doing?']

''I probably wouldn't have done it if I saw them coming after me,'' said Hester, meaning the lulled-to-sleep Giants field-goal blockers.

''He had to stay there a while to set up his blocks, he told me,'' is how coach Lovie Smith put it.

''No! Absolutely not!'' said Bears general manager Jeranted Hester to run out of the end zone rather than safely down the ball. ''When he got to the 50, oh, yeah, I was all behind him.''

The 7-1 Bears were in a showdown with the 6-2 Giants, and everybody knew this was serious.

The big injuries have started to occur for all NFL teams, the halfway point is past and people would like to know who has actual Super Bowl aspirations.

Maybe it was the odd footing on the fiber-and-rubber-pellet turf here in the Meadowlands that made the Bears look so feeble at the start.

The cold rain came down sporadically, and there were fumbles all night long.

But the Bears moved for one whole yard on their first series, before quarterback Rex Grossman was intercepted by Giants defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka, who ran the ball back to the Bears' 1.

This looked like Wrong Rex all over again.

Right Rex, the quarterback who sparkled in five of the Bears' seven previous wins, seemed nowhere to be found.

The Grossman who had stunk it up against the Cardinals and Dolphins, who looked weak in the win against the Vikings in Week 3, seemed back for a permanent stay.

But ''we weathered the storm,'' noted Grossman, who finished with 246 net passing yards, three touchdowns and a 105.7 passer rating.

At the start, the Bears' ground game was absent, as well.

In that first quarter, running backs Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson combined for a grand total of one yard.

If there had been mud, it could have partially obscured the fact that after Jones gained 13 yards on the first three carries, he and Benson went backward 12 yards on the next four carries.

When the Giants moved ahead 13-3 with a little over two minutes left in the half, it seemed the Bears, who have a lot fewer injured starters than the Giants, were done.

Without a running game, and without a quarterback who can produce points in bad weather, how is any Bears team supposed to flourish?

The seven wins had come against teams that had losing records as of last week.

The first eight games may have been nice for the Bears, said the Sunday New York Times, but this contest ''is their true unveiling.''

Forgive New Yorkers for thinking everything is about them, that nothing matters until it's done on their stage. [Blah, blah, blah New York New Schmork. We've got better pizza, too.]

But why not go along with the sentiment?

With less than two minutes to go in the first half, Grossman abruptly shed his ugly suit and put his victory clothes back on.

He hit wide receiver Mark Bradley with a two-yard touchdown pass to cut the Giants' lead to 13-10, and after that he and his mates were smoking in the rain.

Message sent''It was a strange game,'' Grossman said of the slow start, strong finish, frequent turnovers. ''But the weather being what it was, the level of intensity, the promotion -- all that was part of it.''

It's possible the Giants, who lost star offensive tackle Luke Petitgout to a broken leg during the game, were already minus so many key players that this was an unfair match from the start.

But young Eli Manning looked far less competent than young Grossman, and, as far as we know, there was nothing wrong with Eli's body. [Young? YOUNG? Eli looks like he's twelve and his teeth are fucking atrocious. As someone commented to me: you have a bajillion dollars and you can't go to a DENTIST?]

Grossman ran some plays from the shotgun, and it seemed he might want to put the thing in his mouth and pull the trigger because the Bears looked out of sync in that formation. [Ouch. True dat.]

But the Hester return -- so reminiscent of Nate Vasher's 108-yard, wait-a-moment-then-run-for-a-TD return from last season -- was the explosion that put New York and everyone else on notice.

Injuries are part of this brutal game.

The Bears will get their share, and more.

But at 8-1, the Bears are for real, for sure.

And clean as can be.


Kilroy_60 said...

It's mostly been a year of hatin' life for Steelers fans so far this year. As for those teams left on the schedule, what is there to say? Bring it!