Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Dating Game

Something I feel is important to post, that I've talked about with le cookie bastard.

Ladies and gents,

When you embark again into the dating waters, do like the Boy Scouts, and ALWAYS BE PREPARED. This is not to say you should start packing Trojans necessarily, rather this is about your personal appearance and grooming.

I was absolutely flabbergasted when Cookie said his girl does not appear to feel the need to shave the legs during winter or something. Dude, that may be all well and good once you're in a established relationship, but when it's the beginning? Are we not trying to impress, and well, lull our prey into actually becoming our prey? WTF? Time enough to get sloppy LATER.

Hello, I have been on two COFFEE DATES, with absolutely no intention of doing ANYTHING remotely sexual, yet I: showered with nice smelling bath products, shaved my pits and legs, exfoliated/moisturized, carefully applied natural looking makeup, wore my sexy perfume, wore MATCHING UNDERWEAR (and really, this is probably the hardest thing for me to do considering getting coordinating underthings can be damned expensive), wore nice clothes, did my hair.

The point is: you want to make a lasting visual impression on the guy (or girl, because the same rules should apply for men) you are meeting. If you wind up with no chemistry, at least you can always say of the person that at least they made the effort to look good. It's no different than a job interview. SLOPPINESS WINS NO POINTS.

Watch TLC's "What Not To Wear". Stacy and Clinton have it right. It's all about playing and BEING the part from the inside out. Going through this ritual, pain in the ass as it may be, is about feeling like you're worth it. It gives you confidence, knowing you look your best, even down to clean, purty underwear. That confidence exudes outwards.

Said coffee date dudes may never see my undies, but at least I know they're there, and I feel sexy. I want to charm. (In that, I do like my Chinese astrological sign, the Snake.)

I'm fairly certain I charmed the hell out of yesterday's coffee date. He said he's not normally a talker (and I believe it), but he chattered like a jaybird yesterday. I'm thinking, however, it might be more platonic as he reminds me far too much of my cousin, Danny.

Anyhow, if it does wind up being about the sex and prepping for a possible encounter of the fleshy kind, I direct you to the following website. ( http://offkilter.blogspot.com/2005/05/how-to-prepare-for-casual-encounter.html )

That website in general is NSFW. I just wish she'd freaking update again.

ALSO: it is great to receive, but you should also GIVE IN RETURN. Don't be a selfish bastard(ette). If you've got some weird ass religious hangups dealing with sex, don't invite yourself in for some PG-13 action and then leave your partner hanging saying "you don't have sex" (as in insert A into B, repeat as necessary).

If you don't have sex, don't have sex. Don't have oral, no fingers, nothing. Because otherwise you're just confusing the hell out of people, and generally giving your gender a bad rep for being cockteases.

Thus ends my rant.

1 comments:

Nicholas said...

Watch BBC America's What Not To Wear (the original). Far better!