Monday, April 28, 2008

Stupid w/ a Cherry on Top

I just caught one of my students cheating/plagiarizing today. Last week, I gave an essay quiz over Song of Solomon. Three prompts, choose ONE. They could even USE THEIR BOOKS and any notes they took themselves. The top of the sheet clearly stated that Spark Notes or other outside material was NOT allowed.

So, Idiot Student X, is often out of class and is more concerned about making his baseball practices on time than school work. He was gone from class the day of the quiz. Standard practice at Dwight* H.S. is to place those students' tests in the testing center for them to make up, which I did. I picked up some that were taken, including X's.

EPIC FAIL. He can't even get answers right when CHEATING. The first thing I noticed was he had basic data wrong - INEXCUSABLE given it was an open-book/note quiz. And then...his writing style completely changed and I threw down my marking pen in disgust. He had basically copied down verbatim some sections from Spark Notes regarding cases of magical realism in the text. I didn't even need to Google it to know as I HAD READ THE SPARK NOTES PRIOR TO STARTING THE BOOK IN CLASS. Still, I googled some phrases and BINGO. Spark Notes.

I printed off the corresponding pages and highlighted all the similarities and then put a copy in his advisor's box (left that dude a VM, too). Kid gets a big, fat ZERO. Oh, and that drops him down to an F overall in the class, too, which means precious can't play baseball as he'll be on academic ineligibility.

Cry me a fucking river, kid.

1) get your data right so you don't look completely inept at everything, including cheating
2) your teachers know all about the internets and spark notes
3) when you don't fucking over ANYTHING intelligent in class and suddenly come off like Einstein, IT THROWS A RED FLAG, moron

And THEN....THEN! In class today, he had the fucking gall to tell me that 1) he took the test and 2) his essay was OMG, so AWESOME.

I had to restrain myself. I looked at him and went, "Yeah." He kept on going on about his awesomeness. I was like, "Yeah, that's something we'll need to discuss" in the displeased teacher tone. That sobered him up. He wanted to talk right then and there and I was like "No, I am not getting into it now. You need to see me after class."

"I can't." (Baseball, which again, he WON'T be playing once his coach gets his academic report.)

I shrug my shoulders. "Well, then, you're going to have to see me some time." Supposedly, he will try to see me tomorrow.

Of course, by then his advisor will have already talked to him. I also left another VM telling his advisor about how low his grade dropped as a result. I probably should have called the parents this afternoon, but I forgot. I'll do that tomorrow.


More than that, if you ARE going to cheat, try not to get caught, genius. Do NOT try to pull some cheap, tawdy two-bit crap over on me. How flippin' stupid do you think I am? That's what offends me the most: thinking I am so stupid that I won't catch your shit.

EDIT: He's a fucking team MANAGER. He doesn't even PLAY. *smacks forehead*

* Not school's actual name, for OBVIOUS REASONS