Cards

And now we come to the reason behind the title "Q of P". I haven't done a reading on myself in a long while. I feel like I should be meditating or something more. In a common question that plagues me: will I find love?

1 (self): R 8 Swords
2 (obstacles or current influence): King Cups
3 (the basis/root of the question): R Lovers
4 (past): Knight Cups
5 (potential future): R 9 Cups
6 (future): 3 Wands
7 (viewing the self): R Tower
8 (how others view the querent): 8 Wands
9 (hopes & fears): 10 Swords
10 (the outcome/timing): R Knight Wands

Looking at the spread right out, I've got several things: plenty of cups (emotions) and swords (intellect/decision, and often for me, having that cut myself in two). 8 Swords (R) represents release, freedom, empowerment, overcoming obstacles. I hope so - in a lot of ways lately, I've been thinking what a relief it is I don't have a man to fuck up my life (yet at the same time, really wanting companionship, go figure). Men. More trouble than they're worth. King of Cups: stability, respect, intelligence, wisdom, compassion , generosity, reserved comportment, a deep thinker, liberal attitudes. This could be an aspect of myself - I'd like to think those are all traits that I have. At least, they are all traits I admire and would like in a companion. It could be a male figure that shows up with those traits. The third card needs little explanation. That was right on: conflict, disappointment, unhappiness, poor decisions, the end of a relationship. I'm tired of being stuck in this no-relationship (or no good one) rut. All I've had has sucked. One disappointment after another. Possible future influence is R 9 Cups. The cups of emotion are spilled. Greed, superficiality, shallowness, faults, mistakes, gluttony, excess. Okay, not good things. I'll have to watch out for those. To be sure, it seems like those are problems I have when interacting with males. Future as 3 Wands. Enterprise, nobillity, great purpose, dignity, aspirations. This sounds like my current grad school life. Yes, I have all these aspirations and a hope for purpose. But does that mean I'll just have work and no love? Seventh position, more on the self: R Tower. Suffering, despair, refusal to let go, depression. Ha. All things I've felt in regards to relationships. I hold on to a lot of regret and anger. I always have. Eighth position (how others feel about me as relates to my question) as 8 wands. An interesting one: excitement, bliss, euphoria, rapture, ecstasy, nirvana, bliss. Who feels like that around me? Where is [he] and why isn't he here?! Oh shit...I'm starting to have a thought here...(more later). Ninth position (hopes & fears) as 10 Swords. Jesus Christ on a raft, why do I ALWAYS get this card? Probably because I never change. What a despairing card. Well, at least it's the end of a karmic cycle (except it always seems my ends take so damn long). Grief, sorrow, death, tears, failure, defeat, pain, distress. Oh, ye, who keep me cold company and awake at night... Last position (outcome and timing) as R Knight of Wands. Foolish haste, indecision, disruption, rapid change. Huh. Maybe I should not freak as I was about to in regards to the 8th card. I could still do with some rapid change, though.

8th card: I was starting to think "oh crap - not that escort dude of mine from the wedding I was in". M&K (the newlyweds) seemed to think that they should be setting us up or something. I was like "Ehhh??" I mean, nice guy, but I have both been there and done that with the Wisconsin boytoys. And it was a bust. Another reading? Perhaps.

I'll have to keep my Guides M&G (wouldn't that be an interesting post) in mind for inspiration...

*Wikipedia: "M is also said to be the patron saint of loners and those who find themselves oppressed." No freaking wonder.